Greetings readers! Or, reader...
Yes, it's been a long time. I know. I wish I could say I was out saving the whales or walking little old ladies across the street, but really, I've just been lazy. Work was really insane for a while and when I came home at the end of the day, all I wanted to do was watch Modern Family re-runs on TNT and eat roasted mushrooms and green beans, apparently my new favorite thing. Coating in balsamic vinegar and olive oil and roasting for 35 minutes makes pretty much any vegetable a delightful treat.
So what's new since I last wrote?
Well, I'm buying a townhouse. I haven't found it yet, but I'm buying one. Instead of moving apartments when my lease is up, I am going to put down roots and be a big girl and buy something. I had hoped to move to Chicago in the near future, but for a lot of reasons, I just don't see that happening. I'm all mom has left and I don't want to be that far away from her in case something happens. But, things are also going extremely well in my career, and I don't want to give that up to start over somewhere else. My boss is fantastic and gives me lots of great opportunities to grow and learn new skills. Plus, I'm starting a year long leadership program next month that I'm really excited about.
Mainly, I'm excited to have an end date to living in my apartment with the world's loudest man upstairs. I have (frequently) dreamed about writing him a nasty-gram and leaving it on his door on my last day. It would go a little something like this:
Dear Asshole in 1408
It is with extreme pleasure that I bid you adieu, sir. For the past nine months I have listened to you slam your sliding glass door, stomp as loud as an elephant every time you move (which is constantly...do you wear a pedometer or something? Do you have goals as to how many steps you walk each day?), yell at your ex-wife over the phone, scream at your girlfriend in person (wow sir, you sure do know how to treat the ladies), and yell to whoever will listen to you on the phone about how you're trying to get a job and you're not a deadbeat. Well, I kind of think you are, since I've caught you sleeping in your car in the middle of the day on more than one occassion, but that is neither here nor there.
I hope your next downstairs neighbor brings an arsenal of fans and noise machines to drown out your constant blundering around at 2:47 in the morning. I hope they enjoy the plethora (I bet you don't know what that word means) of decorative cigarette butts you so kindly drop onto my porch on a daily basis. And I really hope they enjoy listening to you throw items and break them, only to immediately vaccum them up. At least you're tidy. I'd hate if you cut your foot on a piece of ceramic lamp you demolished during one of your stomping tirades. With as hard as your feet land, the piece of lamp would get jammed up practically to your ankle.
So good luck to you in finding a job, being nicer to your poor girlfriend (no idea why she puts up with you...maybe you make a mean lasagna?) and working toward not being a total dick. Let me know how that works out for you.
Or actually...don't. Because I'm moving out and I never have to see or hear you again.
Best,
Your newly-liberated former neighbor in 1404
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