Greetings readers!
It's forty one minutes until the new episode of Game of Thrones and I'm finally done working for the day (yes, on Sunday) so I figured I have enough time to jot down a quick blog post before I settle in to watch the Khaleesi kick some more asses and take a few more names. Seriously y'all, call me nerdy for being such a huge GoT fan, but I dare anyone to watch last week's episode and not be impressed. Dracarys.
Anyway, last week I disabled my Facebook account. I didn't do it because I was trying to get my mind off of some guy or for some higher purpose like giving something up for Lent or some other religious holiday. Mainly, I did it because I was sick of looking at it. Here are a few things I learned being away from the world of Facebook.
1.) People don't give a shit what I'm up to.
I am as guilty (or more-so) than anyone of posting meaningless status updates. I try to at least make them witty or entertaining, but I have posted far too many times what I'm having for dinner, what I'm reading, or that I'm exhausted. Sure, a few people asked me if I wasn't on the book of face anymore, but no one cried, time didn't stop, and the world didn't fall off its axis when I didn't post anything for a week. Not that I think I am anywhere important enough for any of those things to happen, but still...they didn't.
2.) I don't give a shit what you're up to.
Just as I'm sure people have groaned at some of my status updates, I groan just as much about theirs. There are several things I can't stand to see posted but I fear if I list them out I will offend my friends who are offenders of the list. But, my top 3 I Don't Give a Shit subjects are your children's bowel movements, anything about how you love gay people but don't support gay marriage, and selfies. I know what you look like, you know what you look like, just STOP.
3.) So much less drama.
A lot happened last week and people were texting me left and right with 'did you see what so and so posted'? And my answer could always be 'No.' And it was glorious. Because I didn't see what stupid decisions some people were making, I didn't think about them. And it was wonderful.
So why am I back on Facebook? Honestly, it's mainly for pictures and to keep in contact with people I don't see very often, such as old professors and co-workers. But, I definitely plan to post less. Yes, I fully see the irony of advertising this new blogpost in a Facebook status, but whatever. It's a link, you don't have to click, and if you don't want to read it don't click it. Not that hard, people.
Okay, time to look over a report one more time before I settle in to watch the greatest show on tv. Why am I working on a Sunday, you may ask? Well, that is a story for another blog. But I'll give you a little teaser: it's because of a coworker I have that sits close to me and does not shut up for the 7.5 hours she is at work. Constant chatter about her aunt's broken hip three years ago, what she made for dinner last night, and updates about the stupid 31 shit she sells. Much like annoying Facebook status she's always there, in your face, constantly spewing information no one around her cares to hear. That'll be a fun read.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Art of Being Friends With An Ex
My ex-boyfriend is one of my closest friends.
Not too many people can say that statement. D and I dated for five years and broke up five years ago. Next week would have been our 10 year anniversary, had we stayed together. It was pretty much the best break-up ever. I looked at him, said, "We're never getting married, are we?" He said, "No." I said, "Are you happy?" He said, "No, are you?" I said, "No." There was some crying on my part but mainly because I was scared of losing him as a friend. He's a wonderful person and we were great friends, but that's all we were. However, when you spend that large of a chunk of your life with someone, it's hard to think they may not be there anymore. That was five years ago and we're still very close. In fact, we email 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple times a day. We email inside jokes between the two of us, links we think the other person would enjoy (usually something Legends of the Hidden Temple or GUTS related), and talk to eachother about people in our lives that we're dating, or want to date. His current goal is to get into the yoga pants of a girl on his kickball team we affectionately call Yoga Pants. I don't know her real name. I know he's told me, but I can't remember it, and prefer to call her Yoga Pants.
I've always prided myself on the fact that I'm friendly with my exes. No, I don't talk to any of them as much as I talk to D, but that would be too many people to correspond over email with. I don't hate any of them and would greet anyone I dated in the past with a hug. I mean, there are one or two that I wouldn't mind if they contracted a venereal disease at some point in their lives, but I would hope it would be a curable one. I do feel, however, that once your ex is married, correspondence should cease between the two of you, out of respect for their spouse. No more birthday facebook postings, no more congratulations texts, and definitely no sexting. Not that I ever engage in that activity with an ex. But I might someday, if I'm bored.
People often ask me if I think we'll ever get back together and my response is always no. Yes, we still get along really well and he's one of the first people I tell about huge life events, but he's just a really good friend. And I doubt he'd want to date me again anyway. I was a terrible girlfriend at times and an awesome one at others. I mean, we dated when I was 18-23...what 18-23 year old can't say they were equally awesome and horrible to their partners? But that ship has sailed and that Yankee Candle has been blown out. (There's a really hilarious story about my ex and Yankee Candles. Ask me about it sometime.) But it's nice to know that if I need a male perspective on the latest guy in my life, I can always go to him. Usually he says the equivalent of 'what the eff' are you doing', but he really can't argue too much about the people I am attracted to because Yoga Pants has an aversion to sand. To sand. I don't even understand how that's a thing or why that came up the night they met, but whatever. I said as long as they never go on a date where sand volleyball is involved, he should be golden.
I feel like this entry just kind of abruptly ended, but it's all I've got for today. Till next time, whenever that may be...
Not too many people can say that statement. D and I dated for five years and broke up five years ago. Next week would have been our 10 year anniversary, had we stayed together. It was pretty much the best break-up ever. I looked at him, said, "We're never getting married, are we?" He said, "No." I said, "Are you happy?" He said, "No, are you?" I said, "No." There was some crying on my part but mainly because I was scared of losing him as a friend. He's a wonderful person and we were great friends, but that's all we were. However, when you spend that large of a chunk of your life with someone, it's hard to think they may not be there anymore. That was five years ago and we're still very close. In fact, we email 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple times a day. We email inside jokes between the two of us, links we think the other person would enjoy (usually something Legends of the Hidden Temple or GUTS related), and talk to eachother about people in our lives that we're dating, or want to date. His current goal is to get into the yoga pants of a girl on his kickball team we affectionately call Yoga Pants. I don't know her real name. I know he's told me, but I can't remember it, and prefer to call her Yoga Pants.
I've always prided myself on the fact that I'm friendly with my exes. No, I don't talk to any of them as much as I talk to D, but that would be too many people to correspond over email with. I don't hate any of them and would greet anyone I dated in the past with a hug. I mean, there are one or two that I wouldn't mind if they contracted a venereal disease at some point in their lives, but I would hope it would be a curable one. I do feel, however, that once your ex is married, correspondence should cease between the two of you, out of respect for their spouse. No more birthday facebook postings, no more congratulations texts, and definitely no sexting. Not that I ever engage in that activity with an ex. But I might someday, if I'm bored.
People often ask me if I think we'll ever get back together and my response is always no. Yes, we still get along really well and he's one of the first people I tell about huge life events, but he's just a really good friend. And I doubt he'd want to date me again anyway. I was a terrible girlfriend at times and an awesome one at others. I mean, we dated when I was 18-23...what 18-23 year old can't say they were equally awesome and horrible to their partners? But that ship has sailed and that Yankee Candle has been blown out. (There's a really hilarious story about my ex and Yankee Candles. Ask me about it sometime.) But it's nice to know that if I need a male perspective on the latest guy in my life, I can always go to him. Usually he says the equivalent of 'what the eff' are you doing', but he really can't argue too much about the people I am attracted to because Yoga Pants has an aversion to sand. To sand. I don't even understand how that's a thing or why that came up the night they met, but whatever. I said as long as they never go on a date where sand volleyball is involved, he should be golden.
I feel like this entry just kind of abruptly ended, but it's all I've got for today. Till next time, whenever that may be...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
16 Ways I Want to Respond to the Question "Do You Have A Boyfriend?"
I really hate that question. For several reasons. It frequently comes at inopportune times. It's used as a filler for the last ten minutes of a lunch hour meeting, or when you run into someone on the street that you would be fine never seeing again, but apparently they want to share their life story with you. Co-workers will ask you if you've had any dates lately and then pat you on the shoulder and say, "Oh, don't worry. You'll find someone someday." Um, thanks, but I'm not worried. You're the one that brought it up. So I have come up with 16 responses that I have committed myself to say in the future when this question is posed to me.
1.) Why don't you ask me if I have a girlfriend?
2.) How much is in your 401k? Oh wait, is that too personal? So sorry.
3.) I have severe trust issues and am probably too emotionally damaged to ever be capable of loving another person wholeheartedly.
4.) I mean, I have a guy I sleep with every now and then. Does that count?
5.) I'm a swinger.
6.) Yes. But he's a secret government agent and if I told you his identity I would have to kill you.
7.) Well this guy thinks I'm his girlfriend but I'm not.
8.) I'm not allowed to date until I'm 40.
9.) I'm actually a polygamist and have four husbands in four different states. Shhh.
10.) Well, I did put a 'Missed Connections' ad out on Craigslist, so fingers crossed!
11.) Define "boyfriend."
12.) Why, are you trying to ask me out?
13.) 'A' boyfriend? I have a harem of boyfriends.
14.) Yes, and I'm only dating him for his money and the use of his fancy car.
15.) (burst into tears) Nooooo! I'm so ugly and stupid and lame and no one wants to date meeeeeeeeee!
16.) That, sir or madame, is none of your concern.
Any other creative responses I should add to this list?
1.) Why don't you ask me if I have a girlfriend?
2.) How much is in your 401k? Oh wait, is that too personal? So sorry.
3.) I have severe trust issues and am probably too emotionally damaged to ever be capable of loving another person wholeheartedly.
4.) I mean, I have a guy I sleep with every now and then. Does that count?
5.) I'm a swinger.
6.) Yes. But he's a secret government agent and if I told you his identity I would have to kill you.
7.) Well this guy thinks I'm his girlfriend but I'm not.
8.) I'm not allowed to date until I'm 40.
9.) I'm actually a polygamist and have four husbands in four different states. Shhh.
10.) Well, I did put a 'Missed Connections' ad out on Craigslist, so fingers crossed!
11.) Define "boyfriend."
12.) Why, are you trying to ask me out?
13.) 'A' boyfriend? I have a harem of boyfriends.
14.) Yes, and I'm only dating him for his money and the use of his fancy car.
15.) (burst into tears) Nooooo! I'm so ugly and stupid and lame and no one wants to date meeeeeeeeee!
16.) That, sir or madame, is none of your concern.
Any other creative responses I should add to this list?
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Am I Weird?
You and I both already know the answer to that question. Yes, I'm terrifically weird. And I wouldn't be any other way. But I'm not talking about being a weird person in general. I'm talking about being weird when it comes to the relationship area of my life. Here's the story.
So, I haven't dated anyone in a pretty long time. Sure, there have been dates here and there, but no really significant relationship in the past couple of years. Most of the time I'm pretty okay being single, and I usually prefer it. Of course there are those moments when you wish you had someone, like when your dad says something hurtful to you or when you have a bad day...or when you can't get your dress zipped all the way up in the back and you go to work with it halfway unzipped and ask a co-worker to finish it zipping up for you. Luckily I have no shame, so this wasn't as awkward as it could be.
So I had been talking to this guy and he did everything right. He called instead of texted, asked me on a next date while we were still on the present one, and was a very nice person. He talked about wanting to settle down, how Nashville was a place he wanted to raise his kids, and how he was at a place in his life where he was ready for all that. This is supposed to be a girl's dream, right? Well, apparently not me. I told him that while I have enjoyed hanging out with him and getting to know him, I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now. To which he replied, then why am I on an online dating site, which is a valid point. I didn't want to say "well, actually I'm just not ready for a relationship with you" because that seems a little mean, even for me. But I just didn't spark with him, and it was easier to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship at all than specify it to him. In my eyes anyway.
I have to have that spark with people. That feeling where you know you want to talk to this person again. Just because you spark with someone doesn't mean you necessarily want to date them. I spark with my girlfriends and I spark with their significant others, because I genuinely like them and enjoy spending my time with them. No, I don't want my friends boyfriends to kiss me up against a wall or come help me zip up my dress. That would be totally inappropriate. I just need that feeling that I want to have a second conversation with you. And if, at the end of the night, when walking me to my car, I do not want to be saying in my head "please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me."
My friends constantly give me grief for not giving people a chance. I look at it as I am not wasting anyone's time. I know myself pretty damn well and I know if I'm not interested, I'm not going to be. It doesn't take time to grow or whatever. It just isn't there. Is there something wrong with me? I had a close to perfect guy that wanted to seriously date me and I said no. It was the right thing to do because I wasn't feeling it, but is my feeler broken? That sounds really inappropriate.
Maybe someday I'll meet that person that I spark with and can't wait to talk to again. And maybe we'll go on a few dates and then I'll decide that yes, I really do want to welcome this person 100% into my life. I'm 28, it's not like I'm short on time. But right now, I'm just enjoying being me. I'm nerdy, slightly messy, a teensy bit OCD, a lot sassy, a tad bitchy and quite a bit funny. And one day, if a guy comes along that makes me feel like I can't wait to see him again, great. But right now, I'm fine it just being me.
So, I haven't dated anyone in a pretty long time. Sure, there have been dates here and there, but no really significant relationship in the past couple of years. Most of the time I'm pretty okay being single, and I usually prefer it. Of course there are those moments when you wish you had someone, like when your dad says something hurtful to you or when you have a bad day...or when you can't get your dress zipped all the way up in the back and you go to work with it halfway unzipped and ask a co-worker to finish it zipping up for you. Luckily I have no shame, so this wasn't as awkward as it could be.
So I had been talking to this guy and he did everything right. He called instead of texted, asked me on a next date while we were still on the present one, and was a very nice person. He talked about wanting to settle down, how Nashville was a place he wanted to raise his kids, and how he was at a place in his life where he was ready for all that. This is supposed to be a girl's dream, right? Well, apparently not me. I told him that while I have enjoyed hanging out with him and getting to know him, I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now. To which he replied, then why am I on an online dating site, which is a valid point. I didn't want to say "well, actually I'm just not ready for a relationship with you" because that seems a little mean, even for me. But I just didn't spark with him, and it was easier to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship at all than specify it to him. In my eyes anyway.
I have to have that spark with people. That feeling where you know you want to talk to this person again. Just because you spark with someone doesn't mean you necessarily want to date them. I spark with my girlfriends and I spark with their significant others, because I genuinely like them and enjoy spending my time with them. No, I don't want my friends boyfriends to kiss me up against a wall or come help me zip up my dress. That would be totally inappropriate. I just need that feeling that I want to have a second conversation with you. And if, at the end of the night, when walking me to my car, I do not want to be saying in my head "please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me."
My friends constantly give me grief for not giving people a chance. I look at it as I am not wasting anyone's time. I know myself pretty damn well and I know if I'm not interested, I'm not going to be. It doesn't take time to grow or whatever. It just isn't there. Is there something wrong with me? I had a close to perfect guy that wanted to seriously date me and I said no. It was the right thing to do because I wasn't feeling it, but is my feeler broken? That sounds really inappropriate.
Maybe someday I'll meet that person that I spark with and can't wait to talk to again. And maybe we'll go on a few dates and then I'll decide that yes, I really do want to welcome this person 100% into my life. I'm 28, it's not like I'm short on time. But right now, I'm just enjoying being me. I'm nerdy, slightly messy, a teensy bit OCD, a lot sassy, a tad bitchy and quite a bit funny. And one day, if a guy comes along that makes me feel like I can't wait to see him again, great. But right now, I'm fine it just being me.
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