I really hate that question. For several reasons. It frequently comes at inopportune times. It's used as a filler for the last ten minutes of a lunch hour meeting, or when you run into someone on the street that you would be fine never seeing again, but apparently they want to share their life story with you. Co-workers will ask you if you've had any dates lately and then pat you on the shoulder and say, "Oh, don't worry. You'll find someone someday." Um, thanks, but I'm not worried. You're the one that brought it up. So I have come up with 16 responses that I have committed myself to say in the future when this question is posed to me.
1.) Why don't you ask me if I have a girlfriend?
2.) How much is in your 401k? Oh wait, is that too personal? So sorry.
3.) I have severe trust issues and am probably too emotionally damaged to ever be capable of loving another person wholeheartedly.
4.) I mean, I have a guy I sleep with every now and then. Does that count?
5.) I'm a swinger.
6.) Yes. But he's a secret government agent and if I told you his identity I would have to kill you.
7.) Well this guy thinks I'm his girlfriend but I'm not.
8.) I'm not allowed to date until I'm 40.
9.) I'm actually a polygamist and have four husbands in four different states. Shhh.
10.) Well, I did put a 'Missed Connections' ad out on Craigslist, so fingers crossed!
11.) Define "boyfriend."
12.) Why, are you trying to ask me out?
13.) 'A' boyfriend? I have a harem of boyfriends.
14.) Yes, and I'm only dating him for his money and the use of his fancy car.
15.) (burst into tears) Nooooo! I'm so ugly and stupid and lame and no one wants to date meeeeeeeeee!
16.) That, sir or madame, is none of your concern.
Any other creative responses I should add to this list?
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