Etiquette Wednesday

I've decided to start doing Etiquette Wednesday.  Because I'm so good at manners.  Right.  I'm no Countess Luann, but I do know how to behave myself...most of the time.  I at least know how to properly act in social situations, even if I don't always choose that option.  But, there are some situations in which etiquette is mandatory, such as today's topic:  Community Bathroom Etiquette.  I do find there is a difference between "community bathroom" and "public bathroom".  A community bathroom is one you share with people you see everyday, i.e., your housemates or coworkers.  A public bathroom is one you share with everyone...and I mean, EVERYONE.  Ew.

I work in an office building with a shit-ton of people.  Yes, "shit-ton" is a mathematical figure.  It means anywhere between 1 and 9,997.  Each floor has its own male and female bathrooms that we all share and are responsible for not trashing.  This seems to be a very simple concept.  Yet, for some, the task of correctly using a public restroom is dauting and often, unattainable.  Listed below are a few do's and don'ts that will help you navigate the oh-so-tricky community restroom quandry.

DO always flush.  This seems very simple, but when my workplace has to post signs on each stall that say "Please flush after you're done!", that tells me enough people didn't get the proverbial flushing memo so maintenance had to actually MAKE a flushing memo.  There should not be memos for that.  Ever.

DON'T talk on your cell phone while using the community bathroom.  Girl, look.  I know you need to talk to your sister/aunt/friend/cousin/boyfriend/manicurist/dealer/psychic, but please do not do so while you are using the facilities.  I hate when I'm minding my own business and all of a sudden a one sided conversation begins to take place on either side of me, with the volume set at 8.  I don't want to hear about your life.  If I do, I'll ask, and even then I'll probably only ask half-heartedly or because I feel like I have to.  If you need a private place to talk, the bathroom is not the best option.  Try the stairwell.  We work on the 12th Floor.  No one takes the stairs that far.

DO always wash your hands.  Again, this is something that should be a no-brainer, but it's amazing how many times I see someone go straight from the stall to the door and leave.  Maybe they have hand sanitizer at their desk.  Maaaaybe.  But what if you encounter someone on your way to your desk?  Ew.  Just ew.  It's especially awkward when someone is talking to me while I wash my hands, and they are just standing there watching me.  It's times like these I want to say "Monkey see, monkey do", talk about how good it feels to wash my hands, or offer them soap from my dispenser. 

DON'T try to have long conversations with people in the bathroom.  The purpose of a bathroom is to get in and out.  No one wants to hang out there.  You want to talk to me?  Buy me Starbucks.  You need advice?  Let's grab lunch.  The typical bathroom conversation should consist of hi, bye, and the occasional generic talk about the weather.  Everyone should understand that if I say, "Hey, how are you?" to someone in the bathroom, I don't expect to really hear how you're doing.  That is not a cue for you to talk about your physical therapy, how your kid got stung by a bee (although I do sympathize...it happened to me last week.), or how upset you are that your cubicle got moved 5 inches to the right.

I feel like I sound very grumpy in this entry and I'm really not.  I just can't get over the flushing memo and feel like if people were more educated, memos like that would not be needed.  Feel free to pass this along to anyone who you think would benefit from these do's and don'ts.  Happy hand washing y'all!

Q:  What is your favorite kind of soap?
A:  Anything with cucumber in it.  Currently at home I'm using cucumber melon...the Kroger variety, not the expensive kind.

Q:  What color is your shower curtain?
A:  White with blue polka-squares.  (Like polka dots, but in square shape.)

Q:  When do you shower?
A:  In the morning....or after work...or at night...I shower like 3 times a day.