#TeamNoSleep

UK fans will get the title of this post...or at least the cool ones will.

I've had issues with sleep all of my life.  When I was a baby I never slept.  I didn't nap, I didn't sleep through the night, and I never wanted to be in my crib.  My mom said it was because I was so brilliant I didn't want to miss anything that was going on around me, but I think it's more likely that she just came up with that response to soothe her mind after listening to thousands of hours of a screaming, abnormally bald child.  She tried everything people suggested.  Driving me around in the car didn't work.  I probably cracked a few windshields with my high-pitched shrieks.  Setting my carrier on the dryer and letting the vibrations soothe me to sleep was a failure.  Although that probably explains my extreme annoyance for driving on bumpy roads.  Singing me to sleep only made me shriek louder.  Eventually Susan gave up and just let me scream.  There really wasn't much more she could do.  Marco could sleep through a stampede of obese buffalo during an earthquake during the Rapture and was none the wiser. 

During high school I experienced a brief period of being able to sleep.  It was glorious.  Every day after school I would take a nap.  Then I would sleep through the night.  Sometimes I'd even catch a nap during class.  My hair was super long and I figured out if I leaned back against it I could hold my head up and steady.  Pretend like I'm reading and BOOM!  Naptime.  Junior year I had this horribly boring class right after lunch.  I can't remember what it was called, but Mrs. Dixby (Digsby?) taught it.  We had to sit in alphabetical order by last name and I wasn't around any of my friends.  I attempted to talk to the cool kids around me, but quickly ruined my chances of being accepted in the cool group after the following exchange took place:
Cool Girl:  I drank an entire 6 pack of beer this weekend at a party!
Cool Guy:  Wow, I bet you were wasted.  Awesome!
Me:  I don't think I could ever be that thirsty...
Cool Girl & Guy:  (Eyeroll and mentally banish me eternally from their friend group.)

College was easier because I could nap between classes.  I'm a better napper than I am sleeper.  I could stay up until 4 a.m. (studying, obviously), head to my 8, 9 and 11 a.m. classes, come home and nap until 12:30, head to my internship/job from 1-6, nap, and then start the cycle all over again.  College worked for me. 

But since I have become a responsible adult and have an 8-5 job, sleep has been my mortal enemy.  I've tried everything.  I quit caffeine (the horror!), tried drinking warm milk before bed (ew), took the tv out of my bedroom (lame), didn't do anything mentally stimulating for an hour before bed (thank you, Bravo reality tv), and have tried every over the counter tea, drink, or medication that promised sleep.  I finally broke down and went to the Vanderbilt sleep clinic a few years ago.  After a few nights of tests and awkwardly wondering if the technicians could see if I had drooled in my sleep or not, I got my results.  And of course, they were weird.  God forbid I have a normal, easily fixable condition.

I am the proud owner (?) of a Circadium Rhythym Disorder.  Basically most people's internal clocks are set on a 24 hour clock.  They get tired at night, are refreshed in the morning, and don't have the desire to check out for the night at 1 p.m...unless a lunch buffet is involved.  People with my special condition?  Our bodies are set on a totally different clock, usually 26 or 27 hours.  So, when I synch up with a normal 24 hour day, I'm golden.  That's why for a few days a month I'm able to crash and make up for lost sleep...especially on the weekends.  But, when my clock is off and I think "bedtime" is actually 10 a.m. on a Wednesday?  That's where my problem comes in.  The "treatment" is more of a "lifestyle change".  People can minimize the effects of the disorder by living a very rigid lifestyle, i.e., waking up at the same time everyday, going to bed at the same time everyday, eating at the same time, working the same hours, etc.  I say, eff that.  But the actual word.  Multiple times.  I'm 27 years old.  I have fun friends who come up with spontaneous and exciting things to do frequently, a wonderful job that requires me to sometimes work long hours, and a general dislike to be boring.  Could I do everything I'm supposed to and increase my sleep?  Sure I could.  If I wanted to be a boring hermit.  But I don't, so I don't follow my directions.  Prescription sleeping pills work a little bit, but I hate the drowsy feeling I have with that type of medication.  I'd rather be just normal tired instead of medicine-y tired...which is a clinical term, you know. 

So if you see me and I have dark circles under my eyes (people wonder why I wear my glasses all the time...it helps hide the black-eye look!), my hair is in a ponytail, and I have on very little eye makeup, it's because I'm exhausted and my eyes are super dry and painful from not resting.  I know I look like Wednesday Adams, minus the cute braids and dark hair.  I know I look bad.  No need to tell me, "Wow, Anna.  You look tired/awful/sleepy/like you got in a fight with Death and lost."  I know.  But thanks for your observation.

So, I'll end this sad tale with some upbeat answers to some odd questions.  And if you have any good book recommendations, let me know.  If I have to be awake, I might as well be reading a good story!

Q:  What is your favorite thing to wear to bed?
A:  Well, besides my Little Mermaid of yesteryear, I like girl boxer shorts and a tee shirt.

Q:  Did you sleep with a stuffed animal when you were little?
A:  I still do, and I am 100% not ashamed of that fact.  Deal with it.  : )

Q:  What is your favorite thing to dream about?
A:  Obvious.  Ryan Gosling.