25 Things To Know About Going Out After The Age of 25

The favorite redhead shared the following link with me earlier today:  http://www.redeyechicago.com/news/ct-red-1116-chicago-drinking-20121115,0,3120522,full.story and said it reminded her of one of my blog entries.  It's good to know that some people think I am as funny as I think I am.  So, I decided to do my own version, based on the article 25 Things To Know About Drinking After You Turn 25, but I will title mine 25 Things To Know About Going Out After You Turn 25.  Here we go.

1.)  Funnels are overrated.  Flabongoes are not.  And yes, it's exactly what you think it is.  A drinking apparatus made out of a yard flamingo. 

2.)  Sparkly shirts, okay.  Sparkly dresses, are okay too as long as you're going somewhere fancier than Broadway Brewhouse.  Sparkly pants are always a bad decision.

3.)  Never pay a cover to get a in bar.  Ever.

4.)  If you want to do a shot it had better not be pink.  If you're 25 or over and can't do a shot of a grown up drink like whiskey, just go home. 

5.)  If you think a guy across the bar is cute ask the opinion of at least three of your friends.  Not because you really want their approval, but they can save you some embarassment if the guy is not as cute as you and your gin & tonic goggles think he is.

6.)  Always have cash.  Don't be the ass who never pays for cabs.  Your friends know this about you and secretly plot how to never have to share a cab with you again.

7.)  The pregame is your friend.  The less money you have to spend while you're out, the better. 

8.)  Pace yourself.  Being falling down drunk at age 27 is not nearly as attractive as being falling down drunk when you're 21.  Actually, both are frowned upon.  If you think one more drink is going to take you over the edge, don't have that one more drink.  It's simple.

9.)  Dancing on a table with your friends never gets old.  Well, I'm sure it does.  Maybe when you're 30?

10.)  Just make sure the table is not going to break. 

11.)  Nothing good ever comes out of a night in which the words "Let's do a shot of Jagermeister" are spoken.

12.)  Don't spend more on your bar tab than you do on your groceries.  It's no longer acceptable to call your parents after a weekend of debauchery to ask for money for Ramen.

13.)  If you still live with your parents after the age of 25, plan ahead.  Get a buddy to let you say you live at his place.  Because trust me, nothing makes a girl lose interest faster than hearing, "Well, I live with my mom so can we go to your place?"  No.  No you may not. 

14.)  Okay, this one is a little racy, but it's a valid tip.  Ladies, I know the dress and tights or skirt and tights combo is popular.  But if you're going home with a guy (or girl), as soon as you get to whoever's place, go to the bathroom and ditch the tights.  Because few things are less sexy than standing in front of someone in your bra and tights pulled up to your waist.  You know this is true.  Unless they are thigh highs.  In that case, have at it.

15.)  Girls, buy your own damn drinks.  It's not a guy's responsibility to keep you liquored up all night, especially if you're not interested in him.  Be nice.  (You know I mean it if I'm telling someone to be nice.) 

16.)  Always make sure the person you're talking to is legal.  You do not need a lawsuit.

17.)  Buy rounds of drinks or pitchers for your friends.  Who cares if you did this last week too?  In the grand scheme of things, it evens out.  Don't nickel and dime people at 1:45 a.m. at Paradise Park.  It's annoying.  You're not that poor anymore.

18.)  Be responsible.  Know where you can stay at the end of the night if you can't drive home.  Pack a bag and bring pjs.  You'll be grateful for these items when you don't have to sleep in your dress and tights on your friend's couch. 

19.)  Don't be a cougar.  Because at 27, you being a cougar would mean that the guy is like 20.  No. 

20.)  Do not waste your money paying people at piano bars to play songs like Wagon Wheel or Rocky Top.  You're in downtown Nashville.  Just be patient.  These songs will be played numerous times throughout the evening.  Keep your Lincolns, Jeffersons and Washingtons. 

21.)  You are too old to get in arguments with fans of the opposing team.  Whether you won or lost, just move on.

22.)  In the age old battle of cars vs. man, man will always lose.  So please quit walking out in the middle of Broadway.

23.)  If there are more people in the bar with fake IDS than real ones, you're probably too old to be there.

24.)  It's still fun to catch up with your friends about what happened the night before.  It just happens at 4 p.m. the next day instead of brunch because your body hates you.

25.)  It's okay to stay in some Friday and Saturday nights.  Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all the other technology out there, you can still know what your friends are up to while you are sitting on your couch in your red footie pajamas eating cereal. 

Til next time...