Well, it's that time again to revisit one of my favorite blog posts, The Five People You Meet in Nashville on a Saturday Night. This past weekend I found five more people you typically meet and I got really excited about it. Thinking about blog posts in a bar. Wow, I'm fun.
1.) The person who gets there on time.
You know what I'm talking about. This person is punctual and because of that, they are punished. Their friends said, "See you at Paradise Park at 10:00!" so they show up at 9:59 ready to get their Fireball shots on. Unfortunately, they are the only person in their group who actually shows up at 10, so they have to stand by themselves. Or, they could sit on the Pop-A-Shot machine to see if anyone talks to them. Their choice. See, there is an unspoken rule that you should never show up to things on time. Well, work is different, but optional activities that involve bars, drinks, or boys (or girls, if that's what you're into) don't fall into the same category as work. It's pretty safe to show up 20 minutes late and you'll still be one of the first people there. Show up any earlier, and you'll be standing alone in a bar, pretending like you're texting someone on your cell phone, silently wishing your friends to just show the f--- up already. When they do get there the person who has been there for 20 minutes already says "Oh no, it's fine, it's fine!" when the others apologize for their tardiness, but you and I know it's really not fine. They're just saying that hoping that their friends will buy them booze for their efforts. More likely then not, this doesn't happen, so the poor soul starts out the night with a badditude. See what I did there?
2.) The person who is wasted at 11:00 p.m.
As I was walking toward Paradise Park on Saturday night I witnessed a guy and a girl literally carrying another girl across Broadway. The guy had her upper body and the girl had her legs. Girl was semi-passed out. I looked at my watch (or rather, my cell phone since I do not own a watch) and it was barely 11 p.m. Now either she had been day drinking (which there was no Vanderbilt home game so I don't know why she would have been) or she was just a lightweight. But damn...didn't her friends try to slow her down at the bar? She wasn't dressed up light a bride or a birthday girl, and she wasn't that cute, so I doubt she was in the position to have free drinks given to her all night. Usually everyone has their drink threshold, where you know one more is going to put you over the edge and turn you into a hot mess of a person that cries at the drop of a hat and finds the sudden urge to tell people how much you love them. (Much like at Steeplechase when we sat around in a circle and told eachother what we liked about them. Aw, memories.) And most people actively try not to cross this threshold. Well, girlfriend Saturday night did not pay one bit of attention to that threshold, and as a result, anyone walking down Broadway at about 11:04 p.m. got to witness her being carted off to safety by her trusty friends. I wonder if any guy has ever seen a girl like that and been like, "THAT is my future ex-wife right there." Just curious.
3.) The person you should probably remember but you don't.
This has never happened to me because I don't make a habit of making out with random people at bars (unfortunately), but it's happened to friends of mine so it counts as personal experience. You catch someone's eye, you do the 'hold eye contact for 5 seconds and look away' thing, and he comes over to talk to you. Just when you think you might get a free drink or some action out of this conversation, he opens his mouth and says "Hi _____ (insert your name here)." You freeze, because you have no idea who this person is...or do you? Suddenly, he starts to look familiar. You start talking, hoping you're going to remember what his name is, as the details start to come back, albeit fuzzy. Oh yeah, he's the guy you made out with three weekends ago to up your self esteem since the boy you were interested in didn't call you! What was his name again? Dave? Dan? Devin? (It's Lloyd...or something equally as ridiculous). You chit chat for a few minutes, promise to come find him later (lie) and then actively try to avoid him for the rest of the night before sneaking out to another bar while his back is turned.
4.) Your new best friend.
So you're out celebrating a huge win for your sports team and you see someone else in the bar wearing your team colors. Instantly, you're bff and are talking about getting brunch together sometime. You have so much in common, you think her hair is super pretty, and you want her to be in your wedding someday. You introduce them to your group of friends, talk about how awesome she is, and you promise to get her number so you guys can go share $8 mimosas at Tavern sometime. Except...you forget about the person 15 minutes after they leave. Saturday night was the night of the Alabama/LSU game where 'Bama came from behind to score a touchdown (that's what she said?) with like a minute left to play. So there were lots of Alabama fans out that night. As soon as I walked into the bar people started yelling "Roll Tide!" to me. I guess because I was wearing red, so obviously I had to support Alabama, right? Actually, I could have cared less, but cheered for Alabama because M, fiance to the Favorite Redhead, is a diehard fan. People were toasting their pitchers of beer to the Crimson Tide and lots of meaningful friendships were made that night. Meaningful for 17 minutes, anyway.
5.) The Stalker guy.
Now this one can get a bit creepy. I was walking back to my car Saturday night and this guy started walking with me. He was pretty good looking, had on well fitting jeans, and was not homeless...my normal dating criteria. However, he was hammered (not my dating criteria) and I really don't think he had any idea what he was doing. I tried to speed up to walk away from him, but I'm only 5'2" and my legs only move so fast. Here's how our conversation went:
Him: Is your hair red?
Me: Kind of.
Him: I love redheads.
Me: Good for you.
Him: Even though I dated one in high school and she broke my heart when she cheated on me with my best friend.
Me: Tough story.
Him: Yeah, it was pretty painful. Hey, want to share a hot dog with me?
Me: I'm allergic to hot dogs.
Him: Oh. Okay. Want to share a cab?
Me: I'm sober. I'm driving home.
Him: Oh. Well, can I come home with you?
Me: Absolutely not.
At this point we are approaching the garage where I parked my car. The guy didn't give off a creepy vibe, but no girl likes to be cornered by a guy she doesn't know in a a parking garage. Instead of making a scene and yelling "Stranger danger!" or something, I quickly pointed to something across the street, forcing him to look away from me, and ran around the corner when he wasn't looking. My evasive tactics must have worked, because he didn't follow me. I really should get better about walking to my car alone at night.
Okay folks, that's all for installment 3. Maybe there will be a 4, who knows...it just all depends on who I meet out in Nashville on a Saturday night!
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