Happy Almost 2013 readers!
I suppose it is only natural for people (probably mostly ladies) to take the last few days of the year to reflect on where they are in life and where they'd like to be. And they probably mostly dwell on things they regret in life, because we women tend to focus on the negative a bit more than we focus on the positive. Or, at least, I do. I don't really believe people when they say they have no regrets in life. I mean, really? There isn't one thing in your entire existence that you regret doing? Well then your life must be reeeeally boring.
Yes, I believe my past experiences have made me into the person I am today, but I think I could still be the person I am today without having made the brilliant decision at one college house party to chase shots of Jack Daniels with Jack & Cokes, you know what I mean? I regret things like being mean to a kid in Middle School just because everyone else was, I regret kissing another guy while I was dating my college boyfriend (the guy happened to be his little brother in his fraternity...talk about scandal!), and I regret several outfit choices over the years (um, skirts over jeans? why?).
For some reason this year I'm thinking more about missed opportunities than regrets. Like that job offer I got that would have taken me across the country where I didn't know anyone that I decided not to pursue. Or that really nice guy that asked me out a while ago and I said no and now I see how happy he is with his new girlfriend and how wonderful he treats her. Or hell, even missed opportunities like passing up on ordering an amazing sounding one time dinner special.
At the time, I had reasons for turning down all of these opportunities. I turned down the opportunity in Seattle because I'm an only child and my parents are aging, and not aging well, unfortunately. I didn't want to be across the country if something went wrong. But how great would it be to just uproot everything and go somewhere new? Don't get me wrong. I love my life here in Nashville. My friends are amazing, I like my apartment, and I have a great job. But I've been here for almost 10 years and I think I'm in a rut. So, if my life is pretty much the same this time next year, I've made the decision to move. Where? I have no clue. I've already started preparing the parentals for this and needless to say, one of them is not happy. The other one doesn't really care. I'll let you guess which is which. So instead of celebrating my 29th birthday party next year, you might be celebrating a going away party...who knows!
I turned down the guy because I thought he was "too nice" (yes, apparently there really are girls that actually do that) and thought I was too jaded and cynical for him. And now I see how happy he is with his new girlfriend, how happy he makes her, and how well he treats her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them because I like them both very much, but I do feel sad at the fact that it maybe could have been me who has a sweet guy that treats me like I hung the moon...or at least a few stars. So maybe I need to stop being so jaded, cynical, and believing that every man I let in my life is going to let me down. I frequently complain that my mother doesn't allow herself to be happy and that I refuse to be like that...but maybe I'm more like that than I thought...shudder. Yes, must work on that.
And I turned down the amazing sounding dinner special because I was planning on wearing my skinny jeans the next day and wanted to look good in them...as if one meal really makes that much difference. So I ordered a salad. That wasn't even good. And I didn't even end up going to the party where I was going to wear said jeans. Eff. I missed out on that amazing food for nothing. And if you know me, I extremely dislike missing out on good food.
I don't really have a good ending to this post. I sat down to write with every intention of finishing the post I've been working on about weddings, but this is what wanted to come out, and who am I to argue with my writing muse?
I hope everyone has a safe and super extremely fun New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! Don't drink & drive, don't overo it, and don't make out with someone ugly!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
New Year's Resolutions
Well, it's almost that time of year again. Time for the majority of people to make a promise to themselves and others they can't keep. No, I'm not talking about taking vows at a wedding. I am talking about New Year's Resolutions. Those statements you stick with for about three weeks, if you're really dedicated, and conveniently forget you made by February 1st. Below I have listed some of the most common NYRs and provided my thoughts about each one.
"This year, I'm going to lose weight."
You probably won't. Although I admire those people who make a commitment to personal fitness, my admiration quickly evaporates when I come into spin class and someone is sitting on my favorite bike. I explain my behavior by my upbrining: I was raised Southern Baptist. Every Sunday you park in the same spot and sit in the same pew. If someone is in your spot or pew, you immediately know they are a visitor. There was this one older lady at my church that would leave notes on people's cars saying "I know you must be a visitor, but I've been parking in this spot for 43 years." Well that's welcoming. And people wonder why I don't like church.
Anyway, people will hit the gym hard for a few weeks, resulting in sore asses from spin class, sore calves from zumba-ing all over the place, and most likely a pulled muscle or two from attempting advanced yoga when they were clearly beginners. Then, you'll see less and less new faces at the gym, usually starting around the first week of February. February is always effing cold (I picked a great month to be born in) and it's hard to leave your house when it's so damn cold. The excuses pile up until the only form of exercise you get is watching The Biggest Loser while eating low sodium potato chips and diet coke. Or by watching P90X movies. Like my friend M does.
"I want to quit smoking/drinking/doing drugs/being a whore/etc."
This is one I actually applaud. Mainly because I dislike smoking, drugs (not that I've ever done any but I remember my D.A.R.E. classes from school), and people being whores. Drinking, I'm fine with, as long as you can control it. This resolution is hard though because I feel like you have to have some major turning point in your life before you really decide to quit these behaviors. I really don't want anyone to set themselves on fire on accident with their lighter, get hurt while doing something drunk, overdosing, or looking up and seeing "For a good time call __________" (insert the name of someone I know) on a bathroom stall. So let's resolve to not have a major crisis and just decide one day, hey, this behavior is potentially threatening my life/well-being/others/dignity, let's cut this shit out.
"This is the year I'm going to meet the man/woman I'm going to marry."
Yeah. Because you really have control over that. Although, I'm pretty sure my mom does a ritualistic chant each New Year at midnight, hoping that this will finally be the year she marries me off. I don't know what goes through people's heads when they decide this is the year I'm getting married. Personally, I think there are few things scarier than a woman on the prowl for a husband. They are desperate, lower their standards, and usually wear way too much perfume. They also usually end up booking their dream wedding venue and buying a dress...with no groom. I don't see how those Say Yes to the Dress people keep a straight face sometimes. Guys looking for a wife, however, have it so easy. Just walk up to a group of girls, point at one, and bam...you have your future ex-wife.
"This year I'm going to be a nicer person."
If you say something like this, then you really aren't that bad of a person to begin with. Because a true bitch would not care. You're safe. Move onto something else.
"My New Year's Resolution is to not make a New Year's Resolution."
This is about as funny as the "Working hard or hardly working?" line. Just, no.
So instead of making a NYR, I'm going to provide a list of 10 things I would like to happen in 2013. If they do, great. If they don't, great. If I can get 6/10 I'll call 2013 a success.
1. Get my first tattoo (happy birthday to me!)
2. Get a promotion
3. Travel to three places I have never been
4. Finish one of the books I'm writing
5. Make new friends
6. Buy a house
7. Learn how to make cheese (I'm so serious about this.)
8. Learn how to sew more than just buttons
9. Volunteer at least 5 times
10. Learn when to shut up (this will likely never happen)
"This year, I'm going to lose weight."
You probably won't. Although I admire those people who make a commitment to personal fitness, my admiration quickly evaporates when I come into spin class and someone is sitting on my favorite bike. I explain my behavior by my upbrining: I was raised Southern Baptist. Every Sunday you park in the same spot and sit in the same pew. If someone is in your spot or pew, you immediately know they are a visitor. There was this one older lady at my church that would leave notes on people's cars saying "I know you must be a visitor, but I've been parking in this spot for 43 years." Well that's welcoming. And people wonder why I don't like church.
Anyway, people will hit the gym hard for a few weeks, resulting in sore asses from spin class, sore calves from zumba-ing all over the place, and most likely a pulled muscle or two from attempting advanced yoga when they were clearly beginners. Then, you'll see less and less new faces at the gym, usually starting around the first week of February. February is always effing cold (I picked a great month to be born in) and it's hard to leave your house when it's so damn cold. The excuses pile up until the only form of exercise you get is watching The Biggest Loser while eating low sodium potato chips and diet coke. Or by watching P90X movies. Like my friend M does.
"I want to quit smoking/drinking/doing drugs/being a whore/etc."
This is one I actually applaud. Mainly because I dislike smoking, drugs (not that I've ever done any but I remember my D.A.R.E. classes from school), and people being whores. Drinking, I'm fine with, as long as you can control it. This resolution is hard though because I feel like you have to have some major turning point in your life before you really decide to quit these behaviors. I really don't want anyone to set themselves on fire on accident with their lighter, get hurt while doing something drunk, overdosing, or looking up and seeing "For a good time call __________" (insert the name of someone I know) on a bathroom stall. So let's resolve to not have a major crisis and just decide one day, hey, this behavior is potentially threatening my life/well-being/others/dignity, let's cut this shit out.
"This is the year I'm going to meet the man/woman I'm going to marry."
Yeah. Because you really have control over that. Although, I'm pretty sure my mom does a ritualistic chant each New Year at midnight, hoping that this will finally be the year she marries me off. I don't know what goes through people's heads when they decide this is the year I'm getting married. Personally, I think there are few things scarier than a woman on the prowl for a husband. They are desperate, lower their standards, and usually wear way too much perfume. They also usually end up booking their dream wedding venue and buying a dress...with no groom. I don't see how those Say Yes to the Dress people keep a straight face sometimes. Guys looking for a wife, however, have it so easy. Just walk up to a group of girls, point at one, and bam...you have your future ex-wife.
"This year I'm going to be a nicer person."
If you say something like this, then you really aren't that bad of a person to begin with. Because a true bitch would not care. You're safe. Move onto something else.
"My New Year's Resolution is to not make a New Year's Resolution."
This is about as funny as the "Working hard or hardly working?" line. Just, no.
So instead of making a NYR, I'm going to provide a list of 10 things I would like to happen in 2013. If they do, great. If they don't, great. If I can get 6/10 I'll call 2013 a success.
1. Get my first tattoo (happy birthday to me!)
2. Get a promotion
3. Travel to three places I have never been
4. Finish one of the books I'm writing
5. Make new friends
6. Buy a house
7. Learn how to make cheese (I'm so serious about this.)
8. Learn how to sew more than just buttons
9. Volunteer at least 5 times
10. Learn when to shut up (this will likely never happen)
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
25 Days of Christmas...in One Day
So I don't really think the point of the 25 Days of Christmas is to list something that you want for Christmas each day, but that's what I'm going to do. Well, I'm going to post 25 things I want in one day because, as I have mentioned before, I have a problem with commitment and know I can't stick to listing a new thing every day. The real point of the 25 Days of Christmas is for Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel to make shitty holiday movies that give former stars of the 90s a paycheck. Seriously. I saw Jessie Spano in one the other day while I was flipping channels. What do you want to bet she wasn't "So excited! So excited...so...so...SCARED" about that gig?
So here's my Christmas list. I will accept any and/or all items gladly. I'm probably not getting you anything, but it's better to give than to receive, right? Well, some things are...zing!
1.) A new set of knives. I still use the same cutlery from college. Plus, if someone breaks in and tries to steal my tv, I will be in need of something with which to stab them that will actually puncture the skin.
2.) A food processor. I spend an enormous amount of money on hummus. I need to be able to make my own.
3.) Ryan Gosling's phone number. I mean, does this even need an explanation? He can "hey girl" me anytime.
4.) A wand from Harry Potter World. Although, the wand chooses the wizard, so you should just take me to Harry Potter World to be safe.
5.) A step stool. Because vaulting myself onto my washer and dryer in order to obtain my detergent is getting really old.
6.) A rescue dog. I will name him Captain Jack Sparrow. And yes, I will call him by his full name every time. If it's a girl, I will name her Calamity Jane.
7.) An assistant. Because I'm pretty important, I don't like listening to voicemails, and I would like to have someone to fold my laundry.
8.) A driver. I don't hate driving, but I do hate parking. Especially parallel parking. I don't do it. I make other people in the car get out and switch places for me. Seriously. It's happened.
9.) An LL Bean boyfriend. (see http://yourllbeanboyfriend.tumblr.com/) Because he will build you a table and then have sex with you on top of it. I could probably end the list here because that's a pretty perfect world right there.
10.) UK season basketball tickets for life. I don't care if they're in the last row. Rupp Arena is the best place on Earth, with Keeneland coming in at a close second.
11.) A wink from Archie Goodwin. I'd also accept one from Randal Cobb because he has dreamy eyes.
12.) A teleporter. So I could go and hang out with my Chicago friends at Sidetrax on the weekends.
13.) A Carrie Bradshaw penthouse closet. I don't need the actual penthouse apartment, because I would be fine living in the closet. I'm not going to ask for an entire apartment. Do you think I'm that greedy?
14.) World peace. I feel like I had to say that.
15.) A signed copy of Harry Potter. Signed by J.K. Rowling, not some random person I don't care about. I say this, because a relative thought it would be funny to get me a signed picture of a UK basketball player one time, and I got really excited, until I saw that he signed it instead of the player. I was not amused.
16.) An invisibility cloak. There are lots of Harry Potter items on this list. Shocking, I know.
17.) A Burberry coat. Since mine got stolen.
18.) Elliot Stabler. I mean, no man has ever made a receding hairline look so damn good.
19.) A DVD player. Because the only one I have is in my bedroom and it's part of my tv. I want one for my big tv so I can pause it on a screenshot of Ryan Gosling. Shirtless.
20.) A bajillion dollars. I think I could live comfortably on that.
21.) A Denny's restaurant nearby. Because I really like their buffalo chicken sandwich.
22.) An island. If Johnny Depp can have one, so can I. JD is always invited to my island. You're probably not.
23.) A date with Prince Harry. Because I like redheads, I feel like he would make me laugh, and I can just imagine the Queen's reaction to the kind of person I am after reading my blog. Outwardly she'd be appalled, inwardly she'd be impressed.
24.) A sword. Because I think it would be really fun to open champagne bottles with a sword. And classy. But mostly, way fun.
25.) A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Because I plan on being famous someday. With my luck though it'll be for something stupid, like dying in a ridiculous way or getting hit with some random object and becoming a Youtube sensation or Tumblr meme.
Don't fight all at once over who is going to get me what.
Till next time...
So here's my Christmas list. I will accept any and/or all items gladly. I'm probably not getting you anything, but it's better to give than to receive, right? Well, some things are...zing!
1.) A new set of knives. I still use the same cutlery from college. Plus, if someone breaks in and tries to steal my tv, I will be in need of something with which to stab them that will actually puncture the skin.
2.) A food processor. I spend an enormous amount of money on hummus. I need to be able to make my own.
3.) Ryan Gosling's phone number. I mean, does this even need an explanation? He can "hey girl" me anytime.
4.) A wand from Harry Potter World. Although, the wand chooses the wizard, so you should just take me to Harry Potter World to be safe.
5.) A step stool. Because vaulting myself onto my washer and dryer in order to obtain my detergent is getting really old.
6.) A rescue dog. I will name him Captain Jack Sparrow. And yes, I will call him by his full name every time. If it's a girl, I will name her Calamity Jane.
7.) An assistant. Because I'm pretty important, I don't like listening to voicemails, and I would like to have someone to fold my laundry.
8.) A driver. I don't hate driving, but I do hate parking. Especially parallel parking. I don't do it. I make other people in the car get out and switch places for me. Seriously. It's happened.
9.) An LL Bean boyfriend. (see http://yourllbeanboyfriend.tumblr.com/) Because he will build you a table and then have sex with you on top of it. I could probably end the list here because that's a pretty perfect world right there.
10.) UK season basketball tickets for life. I don't care if they're in the last row. Rupp Arena is the best place on Earth, with Keeneland coming in at a close second.
11.) A wink from Archie Goodwin. I'd also accept one from Randal Cobb because he has dreamy eyes.
12.) A teleporter. So I could go and hang out with my Chicago friends at Sidetrax on the weekends.
13.) A Carrie Bradshaw penthouse closet. I don't need the actual penthouse apartment, because I would be fine living in the closet. I'm not going to ask for an entire apartment. Do you think I'm that greedy?
14.) World peace. I feel like I had to say that.
15.) A signed copy of Harry Potter. Signed by J.K. Rowling, not some random person I don't care about. I say this, because a relative thought it would be funny to get me a signed picture of a UK basketball player one time, and I got really excited, until I saw that he signed it instead of the player. I was not amused.
16.) An invisibility cloak. There are lots of Harry Potter items on this list. Shocking, I know.
17.) A Burberry coat. Since mine got stolen.
18.) Elliot Stabler. I mean, no man has ever made a receding hairline look so damn good.
19.) A DVD player. Because the only one I have is in my bedroom and it's part of my tv. I want one for my big tv so I can pause it on a screenshot of Ryan Gosling. Shirtless.
20.) A bajillion dollars. I think I could live comfortably on that.
21.) A Denny's restaurant nearby. Because I really like their buffalo chicken sandwich.
22.) An island. If Johnny Depp can have one, so can I. JD is always invited to my island. You're probably not.
23.) A date with Prince Harry. Because I like redheads, I feel like he would make me laugh, and I can just imagine the Queen's reaction to the kind of person I am after reading my blog. Outwardly she'd be appalled, inwardly she'd be impressed.
24.) A sword. Because I think it would be really fun to open champagne bottles with a sword. And classy. But mostly, way fun.
25.) A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Because I plan on being famous someday. With my luck though it'll be for something stupid, like dying in a ridiculous way or getting hit with some random object and becoming a Youtube sensation or Tumblr meme.
Don't fight all at once over who is going to get me what.
Till next time...
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