25 Days of Christmas...in One Day

So I don't really think the point of the 25 Days of Christmas is to list something that you want for Christmas each day, but that's what I'm going to do.  Well, I'm going to post 25 things I want in one day because, as I have mentioned before, I have a problem with commitment and know I can't stick to listing a new thing every day.  The real point of the 25 Days of Christmas is for Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel to make shitty holiday movies that give former stars of the 90s a paycheck.  Seriously.  I saw Jessie Spano in one the other day while I was flipping channels.  What do you want to bet she wasn't "So excited!  So excited...so...so...SCARED" about that gig?

So here's my Christmas list.  I will accept any and/or all items gladly.  I'm probably not getting you anything, but it's better to give than to receive, right?  Well, some things are...zing!

1.)  A new set of knives.  I still use the same cutlery from college.  Plus, if someone breaks in and tries to steal my tv, I will be in need of something with which to stab them that will actually puncture the skin.

2.)  A food processor.  I spend an enormous amount of money on hummus.  I need to be able to make my own.

3.)  Ryan Gosling's phone number.  I mean, does this even need an explanation?  He can "hey girl" me anytime.

4.)  A wand from Harry Potter World.  Although, the wand chooses the wizard, so you should just take me to Harry Potter World to be safe. 

5.)  A step stool.  Because vaulting myself onto my washer and dryer in order to obtain my detergent is getting really old.

6.)  A rescue dog.  I will name him Captain Jack Sparrow.  And yes, I will call him by his full name every time.  If it's a girl, I will name her Calamity Jane.

7.)  An assistant.  Because I'm pretty important, I don't like listening to voicemails, and I would like to have someone to fold my laundry.

8.)  A driver.  I don't hate driving, but I do hate parking.  Especially parallel parking.  I don't do it.  I make other people in the car get out and switch places for me.  Seriously.  It's happened.

9.)  An LL Bean boyfriend.  (see http://yourllbeanboyfriend.tumblr.com/) Because he will build you a table and then have sex with you on top of it.  I could probably end the list here because that's a pretty perfect world right there.

10.)  UK season basketball tickets for life.  I don't care if they're in the last row.  Rupp Arena is the best place on Earth, with Keeneland coming in at a close second.

11.)  A wink from Archie Goodwin.  I'd also accept one from Randal Cobb because he has dreamy eyes.

12.)  A teleporter.  So I could go and hang out with my Chicago friends at Sidetrax on the weekends.

13.)  A Carrie Bradshaw penthouse closet.  I don't need the actual penthouse apartment, because I would be fine living in the closet.  I'm not going to ask for an entire apartment.  Do you think I'm that greedy?

14.)  World peace.  I feel like I had to say that.

15.)  A signed copy of Harry Potter.  Signed by J.K. Rowling, not some random person I don't care about.  I say this, because a relative thought it would be funny to get me a signed picture of a UK basketball player one time, and I got really excited, until I saw that he signed it instead of the player.  I was not amused.

16.)  An invisibility cloak.  There are lots of Harry Potter items on this list.  Shocking, I know.

17.)  A Burberry coat.  Since mine got stolen.

18.)  Elliot Stabler.  I mean, no man has ever made a receding hairline look so damn good.

19.)  A DVD player.  Because the only one I have is in my bedroom and it's part of my tv.  I want one for my big tv so I can pause it on a screenshot of Ryan Gosling.  Shirtless.

20.)  A bajillion dollars.  I think I could live comfortably on that.

21.)  A Denny's restaurant nearby.  Because I really like their buffalo chicken sandwich.

22.)  An island.  If Johnny Depp can have one, so can I.  JD is always invited to my island.  You're probably not.

23.)  A date with Prince Harry.  Because I like redheads, I feel like he would make me laugh, and I can just imagine the Queen's reaction to the kind of person I am after reading my blog.  Outwardly she'd be appalled, inwardly she'd be impressed.

24.)  A sword.  Because I think it would be really fun to open champagne bottles with a sword.  And classy.  But mostly, way fun.

25.)  A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  Because I plan on being famous someday.  With my luck though it'll be for something stupid, like dying in a ridiculous way or getting hit with some random object and becoming a Youtube sensation or Tumblr meme.

Don't fight all at once over who is going to get me what. 

Till next time...