17 Things All Women Should Be Able To Do

I really like lists and have a lot of opinions, so here's my list of 17 things I think all women should be able to do.  I can do 14 on the list.  I'll let you guess which ones.

1.)  Kill bugs.  Ladies, if you can survive bikini waxes and childbirth, you can smush a spider with a Kleenex.

2.)  Change a tire.  Or at least call Triple AAA

3.)  Fix a toilet.  Seriously.  It's amazing how you can fix a toilet with shampoo and hot water.  Because sometimes apartment maintenance does not come when you need them and you need to take matters into your own hands.  Google it.

4.)  Fix at least five staple meals.  Cooking is not that hard...you're just following directions.  Think of it like you're trying out the latest eye makeup tutorial on pinterest.  Just do what the lady/cookbook says and you'll be fine. 

5.)  Escape from a car trunk.  You might read that and be like say wha? (the 't' was purposely left out).  But I worked for a woman who was kidnapped and escaped and I know there are a lot of people who are crazy out there.  Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie?  I mean, seriously.

6.)  Have a reasonable understanding of sports.  You don't have to know the names of the players or who won the game last night, but knowing that a free throw is worth one point would be a good skill to know.

7.)  Correctly separate laundry.  Now whether this actually gets done all of the time, that's another story.  I will reference my formerly white, now pink-tinged, pillowcases that I stupidly threw in with my brand new red sheets I was washing for the first time. 

8.)  Balance a checkbook.  It's sad that a lot of women, and men, don't know how to do this. 

9.)  Sew on a button.  Being able to hem your own pants would be helpful, but super ambitious. 

10.)  Take a compliment.  If someone tells you that you look nice, just say thank you.  Don't argue with them.  Because then they might say something like, "Never mind.  You look awful."  And then you'd be pissed.

11.)  Flirt.  I'll just go right ahead and say this is not one of the 14 things on this list I know how to do. 

12.)  Take criticism.  Sometimes you hurt people's feelings.  Sometimes you don't do a good job on a project.  Sometimes, you're just a bitch.  But you need to be able to be told when you fall short of people's expectations, accept what you're told, and change your behavior.

13.)  Put together furniture.  Let's be honest...in our 20's a lot of our furniture comes from IKEA.  And that stuff has a lot of pieces.  Just crack open a root beer and settle in for a long afternoon of putting together the Snarg version of a bookshelf. 

14.)  Know when clothes are too tight to be worn.  Unless you look like Mila Kunis, then chances are there are just some clothes you cannot wear.

15.)  Tell a good story.  Know how to entertain people when you're talking to them.  People do not want to hear about your cat or your bill at Target, but they definitely want to hear about the sex injury you suffered.  (Shout out to one of my girlfriends...hope that heals up before your marathon this weekend!)  Unless you're at a church function.  Then, they probably don't want to hear about that.

16.  Drive a stick shift.  Because one day when you're super rich, you will have a tiny little sports car that is a stick shift and you need to learn how to drive it.

17.)  Know who the leaders of your country are.  Because no one wants to end up as a gif or a clip on The Soup telling the world that you think John Boehner is a villain in a Bond movie.