Demand Awesome

Happy Sunday evening readers!

Hope everyone had a great weekend springing forward.  I love that there will now be more daylight in the day, but I am not a fan of losing an hour of sleep.  As someone who needs every second they can get, the loss of an hour affects me more than others.  BUT, as long as these next few days are sunny and I see the benefit of the change, I guess I can handle it.

It's weird, that moment when you finally accept the advice you'd give to anyone else in your situation.  You know what you should do, you just don't want to do it because it's not the answer you want.  Every friend you have can tell you what you need to do, but until you truly accept it yourself, you're just not going to do it.  Sometimes it comes as a huge revelation and sometimes it seems to happen naturally and organically, and becomes something that you feel like you've always known.  Weird how life works.

I was talking to a friend the other day and I have been repeating the same phrase over and over, ever since:  demand awesome.  Now it's not something that I'm going to get tattooed on my body (although my love of being symmetrical and my dislike of odd numbers urges me to get a tattoo on my right ribcage in order to even things out), but I think it's a pretty good saying.  We put up with way to much mediocrity, and even disapointments, in this life.  Oh, someone sent you a one word reply to a text message that probably warranted a sentence?  At least they replied!  Oh, you called someone because you really needed to talk and were crying and they said they'd call you back after their boyfriend left?  At least they didn't outright say no.  Oh, the guy you have liked for months and went out with four times called because he was "thinking of you" (aka, he had no other options and wanted someone to remind him he was desired even if he doesn't desire you back) even though you made it very clear after he dropped you off after your last date that you couldn't wait for the next one?  Super cool.  It's almost hard to be upset at people who accept mediocrity because it's what we've been trained to do.  Expecting more makes you seem like a demanding bitch or bastard, and people get put out when they actually have to put out an effort in order to be your friend or date you. 

Well, I have issued a challenge to myself to demand awesome.  So what if people don't give it to you?  Fuck them.  Just not literally, because that would make you slutty.  My time, and your time, is precious, so don't waste it on people who don't give you a second thought 9/10 times.  I've done this in small ways so far, and hopefully I'll continue.  For example, I'm venturing out into the online dating world...again..  It's uncomfortable for me, but I'm really trying to decide whether to stay in Nashville or not, and let's be honest, me meeting someone here would be a huge factor in that decision.  I know you're not supposed to say that and be an independent woman and all that shit, but I'm being honest.  I want a relationship.  It's been four years.  As Hannah Horvath from Girls says, "I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time*, thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me."  (*I don't really want to hang out all the time.  I need space.  But it's in the quote so I included it.)  I have been exchanging messages with this one guy, who seems very nice, and yesterday he gave me his phone number and said I could text him if I want to.  Well, I don't want to.  Not because I don't want to get to know him, but I do not want to text him.  First of all, damn it, be a guy and ask for my number first.  I'm not a traditionalist in many ways when it comes to gender roles in a relationship but man up and ask for those seven little numbers that will allow you to contact me.  Do not expect me to contact you first.  Second, I've mentioned before my loathe of texting.  Yes, I'll text to make plans or to ask a simple question, but if I really want to talk to someone, I pick up the phone and call them.  Having a conversation over text message is ridiculous and I've wasted far too much of my time doing this.  I responded to the other questions in his email and ignored the phone number part.  Maybe I'll give him mine after a few more messages, and maybe not.  I already get the feel he wants to settle down too quickly and I need to make sure he's someone I would enjoy going on a date with.  And if he gets mad that I didn't give him my number or that I didn't text him, oh well.

Another way I'm trying to demand awesome is to demand more from my friendships.  I am blessed to have so many amazing and awesome friends.  But there are those that I seem to give and give and give to and I don't get much, if anything, back.  I had a phone conversation with a numerologist a few weeks ago and she read my numbers.  This was a new experience for me, as I really didn't know much about the science of numerology...and it really is a science.  She doesn't tell your future, rather she tells you what the numbers of your birthdate and name say about you.  What was so interesting about the experience was that we had only spoken for about ten minutes tops before we had the phone conversation, so it's not like she could glean a lot of information about me in that brief time.  She said I was fiercely independent and needed to surround myself with people that just let me be me.  People that aren't surprised when I show up to places with a 'Weasley Is Our King' tshirt on.  Okay, she didn't really say that, but you get my drift.  I have to surround myself with friends who, although they may roll their eyes, will love me and my inner (and notsohidden) nerd.  She said that I'm very wise and an old soul, something else I would agree with.  I often know what the right thing to do is, I just may not choose to follow my own instincts and do that.  But the main thing she said was that people are drawn to me (?) and I have the ability to be whatever that person needs me to be, whether it be a listener, a cheerleader, a bitch who tells them they are ruined and suck as a person, or a nurturer.  But I have to be careful of people who will take and take from me and will not give anything back, because it will make me feel used.  My time and my friendship is precious, and there's nothing arrogant about saying that because I believe that of everyone.  I have to make sure I'm not trying to make a casual acquaintance into a friend because that won't actually work.

The hardest area of my life to demand awesome from is my family.  I could write pages about this, but I'm not going to.  Those of you who know understand and those of you who don't, don't need to at this point in time.

I know this entry hasn't been very entertaining, but I did manage to slip the 'f' word in there so there's that.  I hope you all have an awesome Monday and if it's only a mediocre Monday, look that bitch in the face and demand that it be awesome.  She might give scoff in your face, but at least you took the first step to demanding more for your life.  You deserve it.  As Kid President says, "People were made to be awesome."  And I say, awesome people deserve awesome.