The Freebie Five

I have heard this list called different things but Freebie Five is my favorite.  The Freebie Five is a list of five people that your spouse/significant other is supposed to allow you to sleep with, should you ever get the chance.  Now, the list has rules.  First of all, it needs to be pretty unrealistic.  Like, the list needs to consist of people you will likely never meet, like a movie star or a famous author (what, no one else is attracted to authors?)  It can't be Simon P. down the hall in Legal (Simon P. is totally made up, fyi) because you actually see him everyday.  And you might be tempted to find out how sturdy those new toothpick-like desks really are.  No, the people on your list must be virtually unattainable, so in the off chance you actually do get invited to spend some "quality time" with them, your significant other just has to chalk it up to fate and go with it. 

Below are my Freebie Five and explanations for each (although several don't really even need an explanation.)  And below that is who I think should be on the Freebie Five list for guys.  Enjoy.

My Freebie Five

1.)  Ryan Gosling.
Is this really a surprise to anyone reading this blog?  He's not even they typical guy I go for.  I've only dated one blonde guy and that was a huge mistake.  But, it's a risk I'd be willing to take for Gosling.  Except one of the rules of the Freebie Five list is that it's ONO...one night only.  Or one 30 minute time period only.  Whatever.  Everyone goes at their own pace.  But seriously...he has a good body but isn't overly muscular, his crooked smile promises mischief and quick wit, and those eyes...shiver.  Plus, he has chemistry with almost all of his leading ladies (well I assume he does...I actually haven't watched a lot of the movies he's been in because I don't like chick movies) so it makes me feel safe in the assumption he'd have chemistry with me.  Plus, rumor is he turned down People's Sexiest Man Alive last year.  Good looks, humility, and he loves dogs?  Um, is there really any further explanation needed?

2.)  Jon Bon Jovi.
I thought Jon would always be my number one until my affinity (re: obsession) for Ryan Gosling began to flourish.  Damn those Hey Girl memes.  Anyway, Jon is approaching 50 yet he still looks just as good in those tight pants as he did before I was born.  That was an odd sentence to type.  Usually I'm not too high up on tight pants on the lads, but mainly because I live in Nashville and all of the hipsters wear skintight girls' jeans in smaller sizes than I do.  Note to hipster boys, if you wear a smaller size pants than a girl, the chance of getting into her real pants decreases immensely.  Jon is also an entertainer, so that makes me think he's a people pleaser.  Usually that's my role.  I like to do things to make people happy.  So it would be nice to have a night of Jon Bon Jovi going out of his way to make me happy.  Although the fact that my cat is named Bon Jovi would make things a liiiiittle awkward.  Oh well.  We'd just either have to go to Jon's hotel or BJcat would need to go visit someone else for the night.

3.)  Matthew Gray Gubler.
A lot of you may not know who this is.  He's the nerdy guy (yet way to good looking to be an actual nerd) on CBS's Criminal Minds.  It also shouldn't surprise anyone on here that I'm a sucker for nerds...mainly because I am one.  And the best part is that he's a nerd in real life too.  We could discuss the ins and outs of Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, toast eachother with butterbeer, and then create our own magic for the rest of the night...which of course, involveds testing the latest Weasley Wizard Wheezes and spying on people with the Marauder's Map.  In case you're reading, mom.  But I think I would enjoy talking to him most of all.  I love talking with intelligent people.  Or even just passionate people.  They always have the best conversations.  And that's the main purpose of a Freebie Five night, right?

4.)  Gabriel Macht a.k.a. Harvey Spector.
The hottest fake Manhattan lawyer alive, Harvey Spector knocks his opponents for a loop each week (during the Spring and Fall seasons) of USA Network's Suits.  Speaking of suits, I read a quote the other day that said something like a well tailored suit on a man is the equivalent of sexy lingerie on a woman.  Damn right it is, and Harvey's suits are very well tailored.  I bet if dude gained two pouds they'd have to re-do his whole wardrobe.  There's just something about a suit that immediately makes a mediocre guy look at least four points better.  Guys should wear suits out to the bars all the time.  They'd take so many more girls home.  Anyway, Gabriel/Harvey is more of my typical type:  dark hair, a bit more rugged, and confident.  Bordering on asshole.  Sadly, my past interests have veered way too far toward the asshole end of the spectrum, but Gabriel/Harvey is just charming enough for me to overlook it for a night.

5.)  Johnny Depp.
However, there's a stipulation to this one that you're going to think is pretty weird.  He needs to be dressed in his Jack Sparrow costume.  Because otherwise all of that man-bling he has been sporting lately is a huge turn-off.  But, if he's in his pirate outfit, mumbling in that adorable/slightly intelligible British accent of his, I could definitely get down with that.  If women have to dress in French Maid and Sexy Firefighter outfits to impress their man/lady for a night, then darn it, Johnny Depp can get in character for a few hours for me.

Women Who Should Be On Every Guy's Freebie Five List
1.)  Mila Kunis.
And not just because some men's magazine named her the sexiest woman alive or whatever.  She is hot.  She's like girl next door hot, but you know once you actually go next door and get into her room she's even hotter.  Plus, she's funny.  We need more funny women in the world.  I could totally get down with my future husband having a Freebie Five night with her.  I'd almost be mad at him if he turned her down.

2.)  Piper Perabo.
Many of you might remember her as the Coyote Ugly girl, but she's currently most well-known for her role as Annie Walker on Covert Affairs.  I would be totally okay with my significant other having a night with her because I bet she'd slap him around a little, seeing as how she plays a super kick-ass spy.  He might need someone to put him back in his place after getting the opportunity to spend the night with an incredibly attractive woman.

3.)  Zoe Saldana.
I just think she's gorgeous.  And she looks very graceful.  Not that I think many men would care about this, but I think because of her more shy demeanor it would seem less sleazy that your man was stepping out on you for a night.  Like if he went home with Pamela Anderson you'd be all like, "Ew.  Get tested."  But Zoe Saldana?  You'd be like, "Aw, honey, (side note, I hate that pet name) did you have a good time?  She seems like such a nice girl."  A Freebie Five night and no guilt from the missus?  Win and win.

4.)  Scarlet Johanssen.
Again, because she's hot.  And she's not as untainable hot as so many women out there.  Girl has curves and she gives normal ladies hope that they too could look like her one day.  She's also intelligent and athletic, so she could give both your mind and your body a workout.  She could probably pin your guy in a chokehold (if she's channeling her Avengers role as Black Widow) but hey, he could totally be into that.  And, she looks really good as a redhead.  Bonus points.

5.)  Sophia Vergara.
Again...and again...because she's hot.  I mean, God does not give many people the figure she has been blessed with so gentlemen, if you get the chance, get on that...literally and figuratively.  She's got that spicy Latin flair, an enormous amount of confidence, and likes to wear tight, yet tasteful clothing.  Have at it.

I am sure people will disagree, mainly with the Freebie Five list for guys.  But, it's my blog, so what I say goes.  Enjoy your Wednesday, and start creating your own Freebie Five lists.  It's important to have them and share them in advance with your partner so if the opportunity ever arises to actually fulfill a night with one of the people on your list, you don't have to explain the rules and you can just get down to business.