Now, I may not always look like it (damn sea salt & vinegar potato chips) but I have been to hundreds of spin classes in my life...maybe thousands! Okay, so definitely not thousands, but I really like to exaggerate sometimes. So last night I go to my regular Wednesday night class with the hardcore teacher (the one that said if you want to have fun, go to Zumba, not spin...but now Zumba is called Dance It Out, or DIO...which is weird...but I'm veering off topic.) I get there super early because I'm dreading the rush of newbies that always come out of the woodwork around the new year. Luckily, I guess the hardcore teacher's reputation precedes her and there are only two new people in the class and neither of them try to steal my bike. I'm warming up when the teacher comes in...and it's not the hardcore girl. Hardcore girl is still on vacation and we have a sub.
I hate subs.
I go to this class because I know what kind of workout I'm going to get. I know I'm going to leave dripping sweat and looking blotchy, but I also know that I have burned a shit ton of calories. The last time I had a sub in spin class, the dude didn't even get on the bike! He just walked around and said motivating phrases like "Yes! You've got this! Use your power!" Um...if you can't sit on the bike for 45 minutes, why the heck should I listen to you? People seemed to know this instructor, however, so I wasn't too worried. Apparently they taught some of the 9:30 classes that I can't go to because of work, so I started feeling more confident in her teaching abilities. Then....it happened.
She started playing Nickelback.
There are few songs less motivating to me than Nickelback songs. Spin class can be torture enough without having to listen to Chad Kroeger (I'm ashamed that I even know the name of th lead singer of that band) wail and pretend to be a rockstar for four minutes. I hope that I'll only have to listen to one awful song choice, but no...80% of the songs were terrible...which makes the class seem even longer than it really is. The last song before cool down was "Some Nights" by fun (yes, it's lowercase. I googled it.) and I was thinking to myself "No, this has not been fun!"
Because I'm sure all of the spin instructors in America read this blog, I have taken time out of my busy schedule to compile a list of six songs that should be included in every spin class and six songs that should never ever ever ever be included in a spin class. You're welcome.
Please include:
1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day. Now this might seem like an odd selection, but bear with me. You need to pick music based on what you are requiring your spinners to do. This song is perfect for a climb. The beat is steady, the music builds over time, and there are no random stop/starts that would throw you off of your pedal rhythym. A fine choice.
2. Sexyback by Justin Timerlake. Another great climbing song because of it's steady beat. And you have drug your fat butt to spin class...of course you're trying to get your sexy back.
3. Poker Face by Lady Gaga. This is a great song for jumps, which are the bane of my existence. For those of you who don't spin, a jump is when you go from the seated position to a standing position, and back down to a seated position in quick succession. You can be up for four counts, down for four counts, or the more grueling, up one count down one count combination. Either way, it works your muscles and it can be torture if you're tired. But, again, you did not come to class to have fun, you came to work. Poker Face has a good beat for jumps and it's not that long of a song...which is helpful when your legs are killing you and threatening a mutiny if you do one more damn jump.
4. Hips Don't Lie by Shakira. It's always nice to bring a little Latin flava (am I too white to say that? Probably.) into your workout. Plus, when you're slaving away on the bike, there are few things more motivating than picturing yourself with Shakira's hips. Unless you're a guy. But some guys might like that too. Another great song for jumps. Moving on.
5. Eye of the Tiger. Probably cliched, but it works every time. This song is great for sprints. I love sprints. My legs burn afterwards and I'm exhausted, but I really feel like I am working hard. Plus, after I'm done, I feel victorious. Much like I would assume Rocky felt after winning a fight. But I haven't seen any of those movies, so I really have no clue.
6. U + Ur Hand by P!nk. It made my grammar senses tingle to even write that. I feel like I will never hear this song at the YMCA since HHHJ's are probably frowned upon by the YMCA (shout out to my friend J for this acronym!) but it's still a great song to sprint to. I took a few classes at a fancy gym on a whim (rhyme!)...and because I could get three free (rhyme again!) and they played this song during sprints. The music is angry and great for putting all of your energy into pedaling nowhere as fast as you can.
Never include:
1. Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLachlan. Yes, someone seriously played this in a class once for the cool down. The ASPCA song. I almost started crying when it came on. Not only was I physically exhausted but you want to make me emotionally exhausted too? Bad form, YMCA, bad form.
2. Anything Enya. Because music you hear during yoga class is never inspiring for spin class.
3. Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's. It's just not a good song. Maybe it's a personal preference, but I never liked it. The song is kind of creepy and the guy singing it sounds whiny. This is another song that makes my workout torture because not only am I waiting for the spin sequence to be over, I'm waiting for the song to be over too.
4. Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely by the Backstreet Boys. This was played during a spin class at 6:00 p.m. on a Friday night. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my some boy bands. But shouldn't I be applauded for coming to work out during the beginning of my weekend instead of being reminded that I am available to come to said spin class because I don't have a boyfriend to take me to dinner on Friday night? Even the YMCA is against single people.
5. Baby Baby Baby by Justin Bieber. It gets stuck in your head, it's a bad song, and I can't stand Justin Bieber. That's the trifecta of NO.
6. YMCA by the Village People. Just because I'm at the YMCA does not mean I want to hear the song. Okthanksbye.
Happy New Year from the Second Favorite Redhead! I look forward to sharing more of my thoughts, views, and ridiculous stories with you in 2013!
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