Girl's Version
Okay girl. It happened. You have a date. An actual male grew the balls, picked up his iPhone 5 and called you to ask you out. This is such a rare occurence you almost forgot what you're supposed to say after he asked you to go to dinner. Thoughts such as you mean you want to take me out in public? Where people might see us together? You don't just want me to come over and "hang out and whatever?" race through your head because it has been so long (cough * three years* cough) since this last happened that you immediately call four of your best girlfriends to squeal, squawk, and stress about what his plans say about his feelings toward you. He's taking you to Tavern? Trendy, yet not pretentious, nice but not too nice, and their falafel is to die for. He's actually picking you up? This is major. Take note as to whether he cleans out his car for you. He asked you out for a Thursday night? That says I like you a lot but I'm not sure if I'm ready to make you my weekend girl...note to self, dazzle him so you become weekend girl.
After calling your girlfriends you immediately perform the following to-do list:
1.) Make a wax appointment. I mean, you don't want to be totally slutty on the first date. But just in case you change your mind, you want to be prepared. Make the appointment for the night before so all redness and swelling has time to go down. And plus, you really like your waxer and want to tell her that someone might actually get to admire her work.
2.) Decide what underwear you're wearing. Hey, like I said, you're not planning on him seeing them. But, as a former Girl Scout, I know the importance of preparation for any situation.
3.) Bump up the workout/tanning schedule. Because that extra hour of cardio is really going to make a difference in how you look in your black skinny jeans.
4.) Buy a new outfit. Because the three racks of clothes in your closet can't possibly hold anything that will make you the Saturday night girl.
5.) Clean your house. Because you might want to invite him in at the end of the night. And you do not want him to get cat hair all over his L.L. Bean pullover.
Day of date:
Start getting ready two hours before dude is to pick you up. It takes time to look like you didn't put any effort into your look and that you are low maintenance and totally approachable.
When he arrives, make him wait for 30 seconds at the door. You don't want him to think you had been sitting on the couch for 10 minutes, eagerly waiting for him to arrive (you totally were...actually, for 20 minutes).
One the date:
Be normal. Don't be a spaz. Spazzes do not get second dates.
After the date:
Depending on how the date went, you now have the daunting decision of whether to invite him in or not. You most likely shouldn't since inviting someone inside your apartment for one last glass of wine usually leads to a lot more than a glass of wine, and you want to make him work for it a little bit, but let's be honest ladies. This day and time an actual date doesn't happen that often. So you might decide to seize the opportunity life gives you and invite the guy in. Whatever you choose, more power to you. You know you're going to be mad at yourself either way.
Days after the date: Do. Not. Initiate. Contact. You know you want to text him. Don't. As much as it sucks, it's up to him to do that. And if he doesn't, you have to realize that a.) you gave it up too soon, b.) he's just not that into you, or c.) he's been really busy and hasn't had the 0.3 seconds it takes to send a text to get back in contact with you (usually never the case, but also usually the option girls decide to tell themselves.)
Guy's Version
Decide girl has a cute ass.
Look at bank account to see where you can afford to take her for dinner.
Actually pick up phone and call girl with cute ass.
Maybe shave. Maybe.
Pick her up.
Act like yourself.
Either get laid or go home.
Decide five days after the date you might get laid again/get laid this time and make the decision whether to call her again.
Go back to watching Duck Dynasty.
No comments:
Post a Comment