So this weekend I had a very classy Nashville weekend...something I don't see many of. Not that I necessarily have trashy weekends, but when the place I frequent in downtown Nashville is called Paradise Park Trailer Park Resort...well, you get the idea.
There are few things I like more in this world than dancing. Which is weird, because my love of dancing is pretty newly developed. I remember my senior prom I only danced slow songs with my date (obviously making room for the Holy Spirit with all of the space between us). I also woke up the next morning because my arms were sore from stretching to reach his shoulders...he was 6'5"! I also wasn't a big dancer in college because I didn't really go out that much. I had a couple of Tin Roof (Tween Roof) nights, but for the most part, I was either with my boyfriend or with his friends. Four guys in the same fraternity dated me and three other girls from my sorority, so we hung out a lot. And our idea of fun was to shoot water balloons at people. Such rebels.
Grad school did not leave much time for dancing since I was too busy being miserable and wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. No, my love of dancing just surfaced about a year ago when I stopped being so damn uptight and just let loose and have fun. Am I a great dancer? Probably not. But give me a good song, my friends, and a fog machine, and I'm a happy girl. The fog machine at Rick's in Key West is one of my top five things ever. When it wasn't working the last night we were there I was highly disappointed and immediately said we had to leave. That's how much I loved that fog machine.
Friday night was all about the 90s. I went to hear My So Called Band, a great 90s cover band. There was moderate dancing there...too many slow 90s songs were played, so my group of girls went to South, the dance bar on Demonbreun. Any time a boyband mashup with Ke$ha is played, I am a happy girl.
But Saturday night was the best. My friend C's brother and sister in law were in town visiting from New York and we wanted to take them out on the town, Nashville style. We started at Desano's which is an amazing pizza place that I recomment to anyone. The staff if super friendly and the pizza is super fast. I also got to show off my tattoo to my friends for the first time, which led to me lifting up the side of my shirt probably too many times in public. But, I'm proud of the thing, so I want to show it off. I also shared on of my favorite stories of my life, which I will share with you now.
A couple of years ago a good friend set me up on a blind date. I hadn't been out on a date in forever and for some reason agreed to participate in the blind date. I figured, I love my friend, so surely she'll pick a good one. Right? Um, wrong. So wrong. He was awful. Don't get me wrong, he was very good looking. But he could not carry on a conversation and didn't laugh at my jokes, which is an immediate deal breaker. So then, he takes me to Zanies after dinner. And they sit us on the front row. I know we're going to get made fun of. So sure enough, the comedian (?) comes out and spots us. It's obvious we're on a date and it's obvious it's not going super well. Cue the following exchange:
Comedian: So, you guys here on a date?
Date: Um...............................................(awkwardly long pause) yes.
Comedian: Is it your first one?
Date: Um...............................................(awkwardly long pause) yes.
Comedian: (to me) So you haven't had sex yet, right?
Me: Actually we fucked in the car in the parking lot before we came in.
Obviously we did not, but I wanted to comedian to leave us alone. The audience died laughing and the comedian didn't really know what to say, but he left us alone. My date then turns to me and says, "I can't believe you said the 'f' word." If you're 30, and you still call it the 'f' word, then more than likely you are never going to get f'ed.
After the pizza place we head to the Big Bang, Nashville's dueling piano bar. We wanted to make sure C's sister in law had fun and thought this would be the place she'd enjoy the most. And boy, was it. Our group was the perfect size. Everyone was dancing with eachother and being silly. And the music was great. I mean, Bon Jovi was played. Can't ask for much more than boy bands and Ke$ha one night and Bon Jovi the next. Both nights were after 2 a.m. nights and my cat was super pissed at me each night when I got home so late. And I didn't smell like an ashtray like I usually do after coming home from the bars, so that was a double bonus.
I'm glad I'm off from work today after such a fun weekend. I'm currently, however, doing something not very smart, by looking at Pinterest and planning my grocery list when I haven't eaten in over 24 hours. I will be amazed if I exit Kroger for less than $100.
Happy President's Day dear readers! Make sure to pour a little out for Washisngton!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
The Story Behind My Tattoo
I think I have already talked about this on here a little bit, but I'm too lazy to go back and re-read all of my entries to figure out where I did so. So, you get another one. Enjoy.
Wednesday, on my 28th birthday, I went and got my first tattoo. It's something I've been thinking about for almost two years, so it was obvious to me that I really wanted one. I chose an infinity symbol with the words "Choose Joy" integrated into the loops, so it means to always and forever choose joy.
I really do think it is possible to choose joy. A very important person in my life chooses the opposite. She's not happy unless she is unhappy. She always sees the negative side of things and has alienated 99% of her friends because of silly things that she sees as huge slights against her. She's lonely and not very happy. Because of her influence on me, I sometimes have a tendency to immediately turn towards the negative as well. But, I realize that I don't have to. I can choose to be happy...I can choose joy.
I'm not saying that I'm happy 100% of the time, but I at least try not to show it and try not to put my unhappiness on others. I also try not to be by myself at times when I am sad. It's amazing how just sitting on the couch with someone, watching one of the Real Housewives franchises can instantly put you in a better mood. If you surround yourself with happy people, it's easy to be happy.
So, my friend C went with me Wednesday to hold my hand and not tell anyone if I cried. Well, I am here to tell you that I didn't cry. I didn't even curse, which for me, is HUGE. The tattoo is on my left ribcage. It wasn't too awfully painful, except for the "CH" because they're right on a bone. Yeah, I definitely felt those. But the whole process was a great experience. My tattoo artist Jon was very professional and gentle, and I was done in a little over 30 minutes. I love the design he came up with and I couldn't be happier that I did it. Even though most people will never see the tattoo, I now carry a constant reminder to choose joy, wherever I go.
I'll end with the story of how I told my mother I was getting a tattoo. This occured over a month ago and she has never brought it up again, so I'm guessing she is choosing to pretend it didn't happen. I'm not going to tell her otherwise.
Me: Mom, I have something very important to tell you. I am getting a tattoo on my birthday.
Mom: (bursts into tears) Anna Charles, they're so tacky!
Me: You don't even know what I'm getting or where.
Mom: I don't want to know. I never want to know.
Me: (getting frustrated) Mom, the only people that are ever going to see this tattoo are the ones that see me naked! (cringe...)
Mom: WHAT?!?! AND HOW MANY PEOPLE SEE YOU NAKED?!?!
Me: Not that many! (cringe again...I was honestly thinking of my spray tanner, my lady doctor, etc., but I know how it sounds.)
Mom: NOT THAT MANY?!?!
Me: Oh fuck.
Yeah. That went well. We decided to hang up after that. This has now become one of my new favorite stories, for obvious reasons. And now you can see why the tattoo has not been mentioned since.
Thanks, as always, for reading. Have a happy Friday and an even better weekend!
Wednesday, on my 28th birthday, I went and got my first tattoo. It's something I've been thinking about for almost two years, so it was obvious to me that I really wanted one. I chose an infinity symbol with the words "Choose Joy" integrated into the loops, so it means to always and forever choose joy.
I really do think it is possible to choose joy. A very important person in my life chooses the opposite. She's not happy unless she is unhappy. She always sees the negative side of things and has alienated 99% of her friends because of silly things that she sees as huge slights against her. She's lonely and not very happy. Because of her influence on me, I sometimes have a tendency to immediately turn towards the negative as well. But, I realize that I don't have to. I can choose to be happy...I can choose joy.
I'm not saying that I'm happy 100% of the time, but I at least try not to show it and try not to put my unhappiness on others. I also try not to be by myself at times when I am sad. It's amazing how just sitting on the couch with someone, watching one of the Real Housewives franchises can instantly put you in a better mood. If you surround yourself with happy people, it's easy to be happy.
So, my friend C went with me Wednesday to hold my hand and not tell anyone if I cried. Well, I am here to tell you that I didn't cry. I didn't even curse, which for me, is HUGE. The tattoo is on my left ribcage. It wasn't too awfully painful, except for the "CH" because they're right on a bone. Yeah, I definitely felt those. But the whole process was a great experience. My tattoo artist Jon was very professional and gentle, and I was done in a little over 30 minutes. I love the design he came up with and I couldn't be happier that I did it. Even though most people will never see the tattoo, I now carry a constant reminder to choose joy, wherever I go.
I'll end with the story of how I told my mother I was getting a tattoo. This occured over a month ago and she has never brought it up again, so I'm guessing she is choosing to pretend it didn't happen. I'm not going to tell her otherwise.
Me: Mom, I have something very important to tell you. I am getting a tattoo on my birthday.
Mom: (bursts into tears) Anna Charles, they're so tacky!
Me: You don't even know what I'm getting or where.
Mom: I don't want to know. I never want to know.
Me: (getting frustrated) Mom, the only people that are ever going to see this tattoo are the ones that see me naked! (cringe...)
Mom: WHAT?!?! AND HOW MANY PEOPLE SEE YOU NAKED?!?!
Me: Not that many! (cringe again...I was honestly thinking of my spray tanner, my lady doctor, etc., but I know how it sounds.)
Mom: NOT THAT MANY?!?!
Me: Oh fuck.
Yeah. That went well. We decided to hang up after that. This has now become one of my new favorite stories, for obvious reasons. And now you can see why the tattoo has not been mentioned since.
Thanks, as always, for reading. Have a happy Friday and an even better weekend!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
What To Give Up For Lent...
So, today is Fat Tuesday. For some reason it seems incredibly early to me. Every year I give up something but I feel unprepared this year. I began to think to myself what are things people commonly give up, and what would my success rate be giving up those same things? So then, instead of thinking for myself, I just googled it. This is OpenBible's list of the things most people give up for Lent. Let's discuss:
Chocolate: I don't like it that much anyway so this would be too easy.
Smoking: I don't smoke, so again, too easy.
Drinking: Well, Ash Wednesday is my birthday and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a cocktail on my birthday. I don't want to do a half-assed version of Lent (pretty sure Jesus does not approve of me using half-ass and Lent in the same sentence) so I'll refrain from this one. But I'm also starting another 30 day challenge on the 14th, so I'll be giving up alcohol anyway.
Cursing: Hell no.
Facebook: Even though I need to, I don't think I can. I'm sure everyone would be glad to not read my annoying and frequent status updates all the time, but sorry folks...you're probably still going to see them.
Television: Gotta have my Biggest Loser, Girls, and Modern Family fixes.
Dating: Again, sadly, way too easy.
Fast Food: Haven't had any since 2012 so this is a no-brainer too.
Giving Up Things: This is the "working hard or hardly working" equivalent of Lent. Don't be a nerd and do this.
Soda: Rarely drink it anyway. My life sounds really boring after going through this list. I swear it's not.
Sex: Um...if you're having it, why would you give this up? That's stupid.
Shopping: Considering I need to buy food, this is going to be a no. I'm sure it means clothes shopping, but since I rarely do that yet I seem to be at the grocery store three times a week, I'm going to take this to mean grocery shopping.
Sweets: Again, don't eat them, don't care.
Religion: Gave that up a long time ago.
Makeup: The world would not like if I gave this up. World > Lent
Coffee: This, I could do. In fact, this might be the winner.
Meat: Considering I used to be a vegetarian, I could easily do this too. But I won't, because i just bought some scallops I can't wait to cook.
Cheese: I couldn't live.
So, it looks like coffee will be the winner. I'll make sure to make one last trip to Starbucks and pour a little out in honor of my sacrifice. I'm sure my coworkers will love the fact I'm giving up coffee.
Chocolate: I don't like it that much anyway so this would be too easy.
Smoking: I don't smoke, so again, too easy.
Drinking: Well, Ash Wednesday is my birthday and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a cocktail on my birthday. I don't want to do a half-assed version of Lent (pretty sure Jesus does not approve of me using half-ass and Lent in the same sentence) so I'll refrain from this one. But I'm also starting another 30 day challenge on the 14th, so I'll be giving up alcohol anyway.
Cursing: Hell no.
Facebook: Even though I need to, I don't think I can. I'm sure everyone would be glad to not read my annoying and frequent status updates all the time, but sorry folks...you're probably still going to see them.
Television: Gotta have my Biggest Loser, Girls, and Modern Family fixes.
Dating: Again, sadly, way too easy.
Fast Food: Haven't had any since 2012 so this is a no-brainer too.
Giving Up Things: This is the "working hard or hardly working" equivalent of Lent. Don't be a nerd and do this.
Soda: Rarely drink it anyway. My life sounds really boring after going through this list. I swear it's not.
Sex: Um...if you're having it, why would you give this up? That's stupid.
Shopping: Considering I need to buy food, this is going to be a no. I'm sure it means clothes shopping, but since I rarely do that yet I seem to be at the grocery store three times a week, I'm going to take this to mean grocery shopping.
Sweets: Again, don't eat them, don't care.
Religion: Gave that up a long time ago.
Makeup: The world would not like if I gave this up. World > Lent
Coffee: This, I could do. In fact, this might be the winner.
Meat: Considering I used to be a vegetarian, I could easily do this too. But I won't, because i just bought some scallops I can't wait to cook.
Cheese: I couldn't live.
So, it looks like coffee will be the winner. I'll make sure to make one last trip to Starbucks and pour a little out in honor of my sacrifice. I'm sure my coworkers will love the fact I'm giving up coffee.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
An Open Letter To Men Who Heckle Women On Their Way To Work
Okay, let's just get this out there: I have a big butt (and I cannot lie...zing!) I always have and I always will. Even when I was anorexic in high school and ate nothing but lettuce and diet pills, I had a butt. It's genetic. I could go to five spin classes a day and it wouldn't go away. It's the last place I lose weight even though I wish it was the first. I've come to accept it.
What I will not ever come to accept, however, are men that don't know me, yet seem to think it's socially appropriate to comment on my ass when I walk by them on my way to my parking garage downtown. Catcalls of "Damn Girl!" and "Look at that ass!" are not welcome and I had to muster every ounce of self control I possessed not to unload all of my frustrations on a group of men Monday afternoon who proceeded to yell the previously mentioned catcalls while I walked down 5th Avenue. But, these days, women have to be careful who they yell at. And a group of five guys vs. one 5'2" girl is probably not a winning combination.
Do you mean those catcalls as a compliment? I get it. Some guys are butt guys, some are boob guys. I happen to be the jackpot for butt guys. But yelling at a woman on a crowded street is not the best way to give a compliment. Most women are very self-conscious about their appearance, myself included. Call me vain, I don't care. But I don't want what I see as a flaw pointed out within earshot of my boss. How would you like if I "complimented" you on a feature of your appearance you didn't like? Something like "Wow! I can almost see all the way to the back of your throat thanks to the huge gap between your teeth!" or "What an attractive ankle monitor you have!" Bet you wouldn't be a fan of that. Even though I do applaud your efforts to graffiti said ankle monitor. Really gives it flair.
You want to give me a compliment? Great. Tell me you like my shoes (they're always fabulous) or I look nice in my new skirt (I do) or that you like my smile (thanks to my parents and a hefty orthodontist bill). Do not yell at me, empowered by your buddies standing around you, especially about my butt. Because that will make me want to kick yours. And after a month of going to the spin nazi's spin classes, I probably could.
Love & Light,
A.
What I will not ever come to accept, however, are men that don't know me, yet seem to think it's socially appropriate to comment on my ass when I walk by them on my way to my parking garage downtown. Catcalls of "Damn Girl!" and "Look at that ass!" are not welcome and I had to muster every ounce of self control I possessed not to unload all of my frustrations on a group of men Monday afternoon who proceeded to yell the previously mentioned catcalls while I walked down 5th Avenue. But, these days, women have to be careful who they yell at. And a group of five guys vs. one 5'2" girl is probably not a winning combination.
Do you mean those catcalls as a compliment? I get it. Some guys are butt guys, some are boob guys. I happen to be the jackpot for butt guys. But yelling at a woman on a crowded street is not the best way to give a compliment. Most women are very self-conscious about their appearance, myself included. Call me vain, I don't care. But I don't want what I see as a flaw pointed out within earshot of my boss. How would you like if I "complimented" you on a feature of your appearance you didn't like? Something like "Wow! I can almost see all the way to the back of your throat thanks to the huge gap between your teeth!" or "What an attractive ankle monitor you have!" Bet you wouldn't be a fan of that. Even though I do applaud your efforts to graffiti said ankle monitor. Really gives it flair.
You want to give me a compliment? Great. Tell me you like my shoes (they're always fabulous) or I look nice in my new skirt (I do) or that you like my smile (thanks to my parents and a hefty orthodontist bill). Do not yell at me, empowered by your buddies standing around you, especially about my butt. Because that will make me want to kick yours. And after a month of going to the spin nazi's spin classes, I probably could.
Love & Light,
A.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
28 Lessons I Have Learned in 27.9 Years
So my birthday is next week. I'll be 28. Well, my dad thinks I'm turning 26 but he's totally wrong. Thank goodness I'm not turning 26. That year sucked and I'd hate to go through that again.
So since I've basically learned everything I'm going to learn in life at this point, I thought I'd share 28 of the most important things I've learned since I've been on this planet. Enjoy.
1.) Guys are to be forgiven no less than 20 times for acts of douchery, being a jerk, and treating you like you're not important. But girls, you have one night of being emotional (and/or crazy) and that dude is never texting you again.
2.) Whenever someone says "no offense but..." they are lying. They actually mean extreme offense.
3.) If one person calls you a bitch it might be because you are a strong, capable woman and you intimidate them. If more than one person calls you a bitch, you are probably a bitch.
4.) There are few things in life scarier than a clown. Except maybe children's beauty pageants.
5.) Very little is actually accomplished after 2:00 p.m. on a workday.
6.) If you wear an all white outfit you will get some sort of stain on it. And Shout wipes do not get everything out.
7.) What happens in Vegas no longer stays in Vegas thanks to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and bad friends.
8.) If you wouldn't let your friend date a guy, you shouldn't date him either.
9.) It's okay to say, "I don't know." I say it at least four times a day. #HistoryMajorWorkingWithNumbers
10.) More than likely you will not end up in a job where you will use your degree. Especially if you major in drums. Which was actually a thing, at my alma mater.
11.) If you want to meet a guy at a bar, do not wear your cutest outfit, shave your legs or get a wax. Because you will meet no one. Wear jeans, your glasses, and don't shave your legs for three days. Because that's always when it happens. Side note, being aware of your unshaven legs will help you to not be slutty. Bonus!
12.) Nothing 'diet' tastes as good as the real thing. Just go ahead and have the regular, full-fat coke.
13.) If you are going out and plan on having a really good time, give your phone to a friend. There are few feelings worse than waking up the next morning and seeing the text messages you sent to the people you only text when you're inebriated.
14.) Never ask a guy if you look fat in something. If you think you look fat you probably do, so just take the skinny jeans off of your not-so-skinny body and let the boy be.
15.) Just because Facebook makes it easy to stalk people doesn't mean you should do it.
16.) Don't hurt other people's feelings to make yourself feel bigger. In other words, don't be an ass.
17.) When people say they want a romance like they read about in a Nicholas Sparks book (I've actually had more than one person say this to me in life) make sure to remind them that people usually die in those books. And dying really puts a damper on romance.
18.) If you are ever say you're never going to be that person that talks about her kid all the time/only talks about her wedding/shares her children's bathroom habits, you probably will be that person. Just don't do it on Facebook where I have to read it.
19.) Your mother usually is right. (Damn.) Just don't tell her that.
20.) Do your jeans shopping at Old Navy. They have generous sizing and will make you feel so much better about yourself than Hollister. And if you're 28, why are you still shopping at Hollister?
21.) Keep in touch with old co-workers. I loathe the term 'networking' but it really is about who you know these days, so network away.
22.) When someone asks for your opinion, be sure to gauge whether they really want it, or if they just want you to agree with them. Because usually it's the latter.
23.) Sometimes a girl needs a good cry. It doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean you're a basket case, it just means you need to let it all out and then get back down to business.
24.) You can never have too many friends.
25.) Everyone has those few people they can't believe they dated/hooked up with. But if that "few people" turns into a number that you need to use more than both hands to count, you might want to take a look at your choices.
26.) Crocs are never a good idea.
27.) If you're feeling ugly, put on a cute lingerie set under your clothes. Whether you're 120 lbs or 210 lbs, you'll instantly feel better.
28.) Be yourself and own it. You are who you are, and at this point you're likely not to change. So embrace your love of all things Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Lewis & Clark, and whatever other nerdy quirks you have. People who really love you will embrace them too. And will most likely put their images on cupcakes for your birthday, if you're lucky.
So since I've basically learned everything I'm going to learn in life at this point, I thought I'd share 28 of the most important things I've learned since I've been on this planet. Enjoy.
1.) Guys are to be forgiven no less than 20 times for acts of douchery, being a jerk, and treating you like you're not important. But girls, you have one night of being emotional (and/or crazy) and that dude is never texting you again.
2.) Whenever someone says "no offense but..." they are lying. They actually mean extreme offense.
3.) If one person calls you a bitch it might be because you are a strong, capable woman and you intimidate them. If more than one person calls you a bitch, you are probably a bitch.
4.) There are few things in life scarier than a clown. Except maybe children's beauty pageants.
5.) Very little is actually accomplished after 2:00 p.m. on a workday.
6.) If you wear an all white outfit you will get some sort of stain on it. And Shout wipes do not get everything out.
7.) What happens in Vegas no longer stays in Vegas thanks to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and bad friends.
8.) If you wouldn't let your friend date a guy, you shouldn't date him either.
9.) It's okay to say, "I don't know." I say it at least four times a day. #HistoryMajorWorkingWithNumbers
10.) More than likely you will not end up in a job where you will use your degree. Especially if you major in drums. Which was actually a thing, at my alma mater.
11.) If you want to meet a guy at a bar, do not wear your cutest outfit, shave your legs or get a wax. Because you will meet no one. Wear jeans, your glasses, and don't shave your legs for three days. Because that's always when it happens. Side note, being aware of your unshaven legs will help you to not be slutty. Bonus!
12.) Nothing 'diet' tastes as good as the real thing. Just go ahead and have the regular, full-fat coke.
13.) If you are going out and plan on having a really good time, give your phone to a friend. There are few feelings worse than waking up the next morning and seeing the text messages you sent to the people you only text when you're inebriated.
14.) Never ask a guy if you look fat in something. If you think you look fat you probably do, so just take the skinny jeans off of your not-so-skinny body and let the boy be.
15.) Just because Facebook makes it easy to stalk people doesn't mean you should do it.
16.) Don't hurt other people's feelings to make yourself feel bigger. In other words, don't be an ass.
17.) When people say they want a romance like they read about in a Nicholas Sparks book (I've actually had more than one person say this to me in life) make sure to remind them that people usually die in those books. And dying really puts a damper on romance.
18.) If you are ever say you're never going to be that person that talks about her kid all the time/only talks about her wedding/shares her children's bathroom habits, you probably will be that person. Just don't do it on Facebook where I have to read it.
19.) Your mother usually is right. (Damn.) Just don't tell her that.
20.) Do your jeans shopping at Old Navy. They have generous sizing and will make you feel so much better about yourself than Hollister. And if you're 28, why are you still shopping at Hollister?
21.) Keep in touch with old co-workers. I loathe the term 'networking' but it really is about who you know these days, so network away.
22.) When someone asks for your opinion, be sure to gauge whether they really want it, or if they just want you to agree with them. Because usually it's the latter.
23.) Sometimes a girl needs a good cry. It doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean you're a basket case, it just means you need to let it all out and then get back down to business.
24.) You can never have too many friends.
25.) Everyone has those few people they can't believe they dated/hooked up with. But if that "few people" turns into a number that you need to use more than both hands to count, you might want to take a look at your choices.
26.) Crocs are never a good idea.
27.) If you're feeling ugly, put on a cute lingerie set under your clothes. Whether you're 120 lbs or 210 lbs, you'll instantly feel better.
28.) Be yourself and own it. You are who you are, and at this point you're likely not to change. So embrace your love of all things Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Lewis & Clark, and whatever other nerdy quirks you have. People who really love you will embrace them too. And will most likely put their images on cupcakes for your birthday, if you're lucky.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
How To Prepare For A Date: Girls Version and Guy's Version
Girl's Version
Okay girl. It happened. You have a date. An actual male grew the balls, picked up his iPhone 5 and called you to ask you out. This is such a rare occurence you almost forgot what you're supposed to say after he asked you to go to dinner. Thoughts such as you mean you want to take me out in public? Where people might see us together? You don't just want me to come over and "hang out and whatever?" race through your head because it has been so long (cough * three years* cough) since this last happened that you immediately call four of your best girlfriends to squeal, squawk, and stress about what his plans say about his feelings toward you. He's taking you to Tavern? Trendy, yet not pretentious, nice but not too nice, and their falafel is to die for. He's actually picking you up? This is major. Take note as to whether he cleans out his car for you. He asked you out for a Thursday night? That says I like you a lot but I'm not sure if I'm ready to make you my weekend girl...note to self, dazzle him so you become weekend girl.
After calling your girlfriends you immediately perform the following to-do list:
1.) Make a wax appointment. I mean, you don't want to be totally slutty on the first date. But just in case you change your mind, you want to be prepared. Make the appointment for the night before so all redness and swelling has time to go down. And plus, you really like your waxer and want to tell her that someone might actually get to admire her work.
2.) Decide what underwear you're wearing. Hey, like I said, you're not planning on him seeing them. But, as a former Girl Scout, I know the importance of preparation for any situation.
3.) Bump up the workout/tanning schedule. Because that extra hour of cardio is really going to make a difference in how you look in your black skinny jeans.
4.) Buy a new outfit. Because the three racks of clothes in your closet can't possibly hold anything that will make you the Saturday night girl.
5.) Clean your house. Because you might want to invite him in at the end of the night. And you do not want him to get cat hair all over his L.L. Bean pullover.
Day of date:
Start getting ready two hours before dude is to pick you up. It takes time to look like you didn't put any effort into your look and that you are low maintenance and totally approachable.
When he arrives, make him wait for 30 seconds at the door. You don't want him to think you had been sitting on the couch for 10 minutes, eagerly waiting for him to arrive (you totally were...actually, for 20 minutes).
One the date:
Be normal. Don't be a spaz. Spazzes do not get second dates.
After the date:
Depending on how the date went, you now have the daunting decision of whether to invite him in or not. You most likely shouldn't since inviting someone inside your apartment for one last glass of wine usually leads to a lot more than a glass of wine, and you want to make him work for it a little bit, but let's be honest ladies. This day and time an actual date doesn't happen that often. So you might decide to seize the opportunity life gives you and invite the guy in. Whatever you choose, more power to you. You know you're going to be mad at yourself either way.
Days after the date: Do. Not. Initiate. Contact. You know you want to text him. Don't. As much as it sucks, it's up to him to do that. And if he doesn't, you have to realize that a.) you gave it up too soon, b.) he's just not that into you, or c.) he's been really busy and hasn't had the 0.3 seconds it takes to send a text to get back in contact with you (usually never the case, but also usually the option girls decide to tell themselves.)
Guy's Version
Decide girl has a cute ass.
Look at bank account to see where you can afford to take her for dinner.
Actually pick up phone and call girl with cute ass.
Maybe shave. Maybe.
Pick her up.
Act like yourself.
Either get laid or go home.
Decide five days after the date you might get laid again/get laid this time and make the decision whether to call her again.
Go back to watching Duck Dynasty.
Okay girl. It happened. You have a date. An actual male grew the balls, picked up his iPhone 5 and called you to ask you out. This is such a rare occurence you almost forgot what you're supposed to say after he asked you to go to dinner. Thoughts such as you mean you want to take me out in public? Where people might see us together? You don't just want me to come over and "hang out and whatever?" race through your head because it has been so long (cough * three years* cough) since this last happened that you immediately call four of your best girlfriends to squeal, squawk, and stress about what his plans say about his feelings toward you. He's taking you to Tavern? Trendy, yet not pretentious, nice but not too nice, and their falafel is to die for. He's actually picking you up? This is major. Take note as to whether he cleans out his car for you. He asked you out for a Thursday night? That says I like you a lot but I'm not sure if I'm ready to make you my weekend girl...note to self, dazzle him so you become weekend girl.
After calling your girlfriends you immediately perform the following to-do list:
1.) Make a wax appointment. I mean, you don't want to be totally slutty on the first date. But just in case you change your mind, you want to be prepared. Make the appointment for the night before so all redness and swelling has time to go down. And plus, you really like your waxer and want to tell her that someone might actually get to admire her work.
2.) Decide what underwear you're wearing. Hey, like I said, you're not planning on him seeing them. But, as a former Girl Scout, I know the importance of preparation for any situation.
3.) Bump up the workout/tanning schedule. Because that extra hour of cardio is really going to make a difference in how you look in your black skinny jeans.
4.) Buy a new outfit. Because the three racks of clothes in your closet can't possibly hold anything that will make you the Saturday night girl.
5.) Clean your house. Because you might want to invite him in at the end of the night. And you do not want him to get cat hair all over his L.L. Bean pullover.
Day of date:
Start getting ready two hours before dude is to pick you up. It takes time to look like you didn't put any effort into your look and that you are low maintenance and totally approachable.
When he arrives, make him wait for 30 seconds at the door. You don't want him to think you had been sitting on the couch for 10 minutes, eagerly waiting for him to arrive (you totally were...actually, for 20 minutes).
One the date:
Be normal. Don't be a spaz. Spazzes do not get second dates.
After the date:
Depending on how the date went, you now have the daunting decision of whether to invite him in or not. You most likely shouldn't since inviting someone inside your apartment for one last glass of wine usually leads to a lot more than a glass of wine, and you want to make him work for it a little bit, but let's be honest ladies. This day and time an actual date doesn't happen that often. So you might decide to seize the opportunity life gives you and invite the guy in. Whatever you choose, more power to you. You know you're going to be mad at yourself either way.
Days after the date: Do. Not. Initiate. Contact. You know you want to text him. Don't. As much as it sucks, it's up to him to do that. And if he doesn't, you have to realize that a.) you gave it up too soon, b.) he's just not that into you, or c.) he's been really busy and hasn't had the 0.3 seconds it takes to send a text to get back in contact with you (usually never the case, but also usually the option girls decide to tell themselves.)
Guy's Version
Decide girl has a cute ass.
Look at bank account to see where you can afford to take her for dinner.
Actually pick up phone and call girl with cute ass.
Maybe shave. Maybe.
Pick her up.
Act like yourself.
Either get laid or go home.
Decide five days after the date you might get laid again/get laid this time and make the decision whether to call her again.
Go back to watching Duck Dynasty.
Monday, January 28, 2013
The Five People You Meet Downtown...On A Weekday
Greetings friends.
I guess it's been a while. Well, that's a bit of a lie. I have written about three entries but decided to delete them because there are things that even I think are TMI on the interbwebs.
Some of you may have read my entries about people you meet out in Nashville on a Saturday night. Well, this is the same idea, except these are five of the people you meet downtown on a weekday. I'm not talking about Broadway downtown (btw, I was on Broadway for maybe the first time ever during daylight this past weekend for an epic 90s Country Star Bar Crawl...it looks so different!)...I'm talking about business district (?) downtown. Since I work in the middle of the downtown area, I consider myself an expert. Let's begin.
1.) The Blackberry boys. Now don't get me wrong. Legislative session is one of my favorite times of year because it means I am constantly surrounded by young men in suits. Power lunching at Pucketts? Suits. Cheap eating at Subway? Suits. Carb loading at Chili Burrito/Cocina/Blue Coast Burrito/It All Tastes The Same? More suits. It's a great time to be a 20 something girl working downtown. I imagine this is is how the male population must feel when it's warm enough for girls to wear their (slutty) sundresses again. But guys, do you seriously have to be on your Blackberry non-stop? I guarantee you that at age 27 you are not important enough to need people to have access to you 24/7. Unless you're waiting to see if your boss wants mayo or dijon mustard on his sandwich...which let's be honest, is probably what you're waiting to hear. Oh, you're super important and have to scroll through your email constantly and look bothered when the Subway dude asks for your order? I'm sorry. Reading those Legislative News Summaries and getting calendar appointments about a meeting about a meeting you have to attend must be really thought provoking. Don't get me wrong. I have been that girl that sits at a table with both my cell phone and my Blackberry in front of me. But I'm usually more concerned about my cell phone alerting me to the fact that someone liked my Facebook status rather than occassionally glancing at my Blackberry to make sure no crisis is going on at work. I mainly use my Blackberry when I'm home sick or on vacation...which I think is probably the original purpose of the Blackberry. But I guess if some people need to be attached to their work-paid-for cellular device to make them feel important, have at it. But if you have a Blackberry and then say you don't have a business card when I ask for yours, your credibility is out the window. I bet you pay for that damn thing yourself, just to look better.
2.) The woman who does not wear smart shoes.
Ladies, I get it. You want to look good while you're downtown because there are lots of good looking men in suits. But few things are less attractive then a woman walking around in a smartly tailored suit and either sneakers or way too high heels. Sneakers and tights? There are not enough characters in this blog space to describe why that combination is heinous. And I am a fan of the 3-4 inch heel, but not when I'm walking from my parking garage to my office. I wear flats, or my comfy reasonable heels, and then change into my fabulous shoes when I'm at my desk. Downtown is a pitfall of shitty sidewalks, grates, and questionable things you do not want to step in. So buy a pair of black flats, use them for your travels, and wear your good shoes when you need to dazzle. I'm not even going to comment on how lame I think that sentence is.
3.) The people who do not close the blinds to their hotel rooms.
Currently my office is in a building that looks straight at the Doubletree Hotel. Now this was fun when Connie Britton and Hayden PannetieIDon'tKnowWhatHerLastNameIs were filming an episode of Nashville there...and I do enjoy the convenience of the Starbucks (RIP giftcard)...but I do not enjoy looking out my office window to see some "afternoon delights" going on. We've only been here since December and already I've seen my fill. People, if you can see out the window, chances are other people can see in. Close the blinds. Or, if you're into the whole being spied on thing, don't. Whatever...it's your choice. But can you at least go to the other side of the room away from my window so I don't have to see things I can never unsee? Please and thank you.
4.) The wandering tourists.
Let's face it, they're lost. They were supposed to take a left out of their hotel but instead took a right and now want to know where Tootsies is. You point in the opposite direction and say it's like six blocks away and they look at you in abject horror about how far away it is, when they were told it was right downtown. Which, it would have been, had they not walked five blocks in the wrong direction. For some reason tourists always want to take picture out in front of our temporary building, by a statue near the ATMs. I do not get the appeal. It's not even historic or country music related. At least, I don't think it is. I don't pay that much attention.
5.) The person that almost gets hit by a bus.
Sadly, this is frequently me. I feel like I'm too short to be properly seen by bus drivers, so when I'm by myself crossing the street, even when I have the right of way, I feel as if I could get hit at any moment. Then you have the idiots that run right into traffic and then get pissed because they almost get hit. Um...see that blinking red hand in a "STOP" motion? That means DO NOT KEEP WALKING. Think you can make it before the MTA jumbo bus flattens you? More power to you, sir. Godspeed...literally. Some days you can tell how the rest of the day is going to go simply by how many times you had to cheat death in order to get to your office building. This day I only had to dodge a moving vehicle twice, so I felt pretty good about the day. And so far, it has been pretty good. But with night coming so early now, the trek back to the car is always the most dangerous. I should start wearing one of those Day Glo orange vests or something for protection but no...they look like UT uniforms. And I'd rather take my chances being hit by a bus than look like I might support that school. #Priorities.
Not sure if there will be three versions of the people you meet during the daytime, but who knows. Guess it depends on the people I run into and if I feel like I have enough material to cleverly mock them.
Till next time, Happy almost my birthday month!
I guess it's been a while. Well, that's a bit of a lie. I have written about three entries but decided to delete them because there are things that even I think are TMI on the interbwebs.
Some of you may have read my entries about people you meet out in Nashville on a Saturday night. Well, this is the same idea, except these are five of the people you meet downtown on a weekday. I'm not talking about Broadway downtown (btw, I was on Broadway for maybe the first time ever during daylight this past weekend for an epic 90s Country Star Bar Crawl...it looks so different!)...I'm talking about business district (?) downtown. Since I work in the middle of the downtown area, I consider myself an expert. Let's begin.
1.) The Blackberry boys. Now don't get me wrong. Legislative session is one of my favorite times of year because it means I am constantly surrounded by young men in suits. Power lunching at Pucketts? Suits. Cheap eating at Subway? Suits. Carb loading at Chili Burrito/Cocina/Blue Coast Burrito/It All Tastes The Same? More suits. It's a great time to be a 20 something girl working downtown. I imagine this is is how the male population must feel when it's warm enough for girls to wear their (slutty) sundresses again. But guys, do you seriously have to be on your Blackberry non-stop? I guarantee you that at age 27 you are not important enough to need people to have access to you 24/7. Unless you're waiting to see if your boss wants mayo or dijon mustard on his sandwich...which let's be honest, is probably what you're waiting to hear. Oh, you're super important and have to scroll through your email constantly and look bothered when the Subway dude asks for your order? I'm sorry. Reading those Legislative News Summaries and getting calendar appointments about a meeting about a meeting you have to attend must be really thought provoking. Don't get me wrong. I have been that girl that sits at a table with both my cell phone and my Blackberry in front of me. But I'm usually more concerned about my cell phone alerting me to the fact that someone liked my Facebook status rather than occassionally glancing at my Blackberry to make sure no crisis is going on at work. I mainly use my Blackberry when I'm home sick or on vacation...which I think is probably the original purpose of the Blackberry. But I guess if some people need to be attached to their work-paid-for cellular device to make them feel important, have at it. But if you have a Blackberry and then say you don't have a business card when I ask for yours, your credibility is out the window. I bet you pay for that damn thing yourself, just to look better.
2.) The woman who does not wear smart shoes.
Ladies, I get it. You want to look good while you're downtown because there are lots of good looking men in suits. But few things are less attractive then a woman walking around in a smartly tailored suit and either sneakers or way too high heels. Sneakers and tights? There are not enough characters in this blog space to describe why that combination is heinous. And I am a fan of the 3-4 inch heel, but not when I'm walking from my parking garage to my office. I wear flats, or my comfy reasonable heels, and then change into my fabulous shoes when I'm at my desk. Downtown is a pitfall of shitty sidewalks, grates, and questionable things you do not want to step in. So buy a pair of black flats, use them for your travels, and wear your good shoes when you need to dazzle. I'm not even going to comment on how lame I think that sentence is.
3.) The people who do not close the blinds to their hotel rooms.
Currently my office is in a building that looks straight at the Doubletree Hotel. Now this was fun when Connie Britton and Hayden PannetieIDon'tKnowWhatHerLastNameIs were filming an episode of Nashville there...and I do enjoy the convenience of the Starbucks (RIP giftcard)...but I do not enjoy looking out my office window to see some "afternoon delights" going on. We've only been here since December and already I've seen my fill. People, if you can see out the window, chances are other people can see in. Close the blinds. Or, if you're into the whole being spied on thing, don't. Whatever...it's your choice. But can you at least go to the other side of the room away from my window so I don't have to see things I can never unsee? Please and thank you.
4.) The wandering tourists.
Let's face it, they're lost. They were supposed to take a left out of their hotel but instead took a right and now want to know where Tootsies is. You point in the opposite direction and say it's like six blocks away and they look at you in abject horror about how far away it is, when they were told it was right downtown. Which, it would have been, had they not walked five blocks in the wrong direction. For some reason tourists always want to take picture out in front of our temporary building, by a statue near the ATMs. I do not get the appeal. It's not even historic or country music related. At least, I don't think it is. I don't pay that much attention.
5.) The person that almost gets hit by a bus.
Sadly, this is frequently me. I feel like I'm too short to be properly seen by bus drivers, so when I'm by myself crossing the street, even when I have the right of way, I feel as if I could get hit at any moment. Then you have the idiots that run right into traffic and then get pissed because they almost get hit. Um...see that blinking red hand in a "STOP" motion? That means DO NOT KEEP WALKING. Think you can make it before the MTA jumbo bus flattens you? More power to you, sir. Godspeed...literally. Some days you can tell how the rest of the day is going to go simply by how many times you had to cheat death in order to get to your office building. This day I only had to dodge a moving vehicle twice, so I felt pretty good about the day. And so far, it has been pretty good. But with night coming so early now, the trek back to the car is always the most dangerous. I should start wearing one of those Day Glo orange vests or something for protection but no...they look like UT uniforms. And I'd rather take my chances being hit by a bus than look like I might support that school. #Priorities.
Not sure if there will be three versions of the people you meet during the daytime, but who knows. Guess it depends on the people I run into and if I feel like I have enough material to cleverly mock them.
Till next time, Happy almost my birthday month!
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