Greetings readers!
It's forty one minutes until the new episode of Game of Thrones and I'm finally done working for the day (yes, on Sunday) so I figured I have enough time to jot down a quick blog post before I settle in to watch the Khaleesi kick some more asses and take a few more names. Seriously y'all, call me nerdy for being such a huge GoT fan, but I dare anyone to watch last week's episode and not be impressed. Dracarys.
Anyway, last week I disabled my Facebook account. I didn't do it because I was trying to get my mind off of some guy or for some higher purpose like giving something up for Lent or some other religious holiday. Mainly, I did it because I was sick of looking at it. Here are a few things I learned being away from the world of Facebook.
1.) People don't give a shit what I'm up to.
I am as guilty (or more-so) than anyone of posting meaningless status updates. I try to at least make them witty or entertaining, but I have posted far too many times what I'm having for dinner, what I'm reading, or that I'm exhausted. Sure, a few people asked me if I wasn't on the book of face anymore, but no one cried, time didn't stop, and the world didn't fall off its axis when I didn't post anything for a week. Not that I think I am anywhere important enough for any of those things to happen, but still...they didn't.
2.) I don't give a shit what you're up to.
Just as I'm sure people have groaned at some of my status updates, I groan just as much about theirs. There are several things I can't stand to see posted but I fear if I list them out I will offend my friends who are offenders of the list. But, my top 3 I Don't Give a Shit subjects are your children's bowel movements, anything about how you love gay people but don't support gay marriage, and selfies. I know what you look like, you know what you look like, just STOP.
3.) So much less drama.
A lot happened last week and people were texting me left and right with 'did you see what so and so posted'? And my answer could always be 'No.' And it was glorious. Because I didn't see what stupid decisions some people were making, I didn't think about them. And it was wonderful.
So why am I back on Facebook? Honestly, it's mainly for pictures and to keep in contact with people I don't see very often, such as old professors and co-workers. But, I definitely plan to post less. Yes, I fully see the irony of advertising this new blogpost in a Facebook status, but whatever. It's a link, you don't have to click, and if you don't want to read it don't click it. Not that hard, people.
Okay, time to look over a report one more time before I settle in to watch the greatest show on tv. Why am I working on a Sunday, you may ask? Well, that is a story for another blog. But I'll give you a little teaser: it's because of a coworker I have that sits close to me and does not shut up for the 7.5 hours she is at work. Constant chatter about her aunt's broken hip three years ago, what she made for dinner last night, and updates about the stupid 31 shit she sells. Much like annoying Facebook status she's always there, in your face, constantly spewing information no one around her cares to hear. That'll be a fun read.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Art of Being Friends With An Ex
My ex-boyfriend is one of my closest friends.
Not too many people can say that statement. D and I dated for five years and broke up five years ago. Next week would have been our 10 year anniversary, had we stayed together. It was pretty much the best break-up ever. I looked at him, said, "We're never getting married, are we?" He said, "No." I said, "Are you happy?" He said, "No, are you?" I said, "No." There was some crying on my part but mainly because I was scared of losing him as a friend. He's a wonderful person and we were great friends, but that's all we were. However, when you spend that large of a chunk of your life with someone, it's hard to think they may not be there anymore. That was five years ago and we're still very close. In fact, we email 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple times a day. We email inside jokes between the two of us, links we think the other person would enjoy (usually something Legends of the Hidden Temple or GUTS related), and talk to eachother about people in our lives that we're dating, or want to date. His current goal is to get into the yoga pants of a girl on his kickball team we affectionately call Yoga Pants. I don't know her real name. I know he's told me, but I can't remember it, and prefer to call her Yoga Pants.
I've always prided myself on the fact that I'm friendly with my exes. No, I don't talk to any of them as much as I talk to D, but that would be too many people to correspond over email with. I don't hate any of them and would greet anyone I dated in the past with a hug. I mean, there are one or two that I wouldn't mind if they contracted a venereal disease at some point in their lives, but I would hope it would be a curable one. I do feel, however, that once your ex is married, correspondence should cease between the two of you, out of respect for their spouse. No more birthday facebook postings, no more congratulations texts, and definitely no sexting. Not that I ever engage in that activity with an ex. But I might someday, if I'm bored.
People often ask me if I think we'll ever get back together and my response is always no. Yes, we still get along really well and he's one of the first people I tell about huge life events, but he's just a really good friend. And I doubt he'd want to date me again anyway. I was a terrible girlfriend at times and an awesome one at others. I mean, we dated when I was 18-23...what 18-23 year old can't say they were equally awesome and horrible to their partners? But that ship has sailed and that Yankee Candle has been blown out. (There's a really hilarious story about my ex and Yankee Candles. Ask me about it sometime.) But it's nice to know that if I need a male perspective on the latest guy in my life, I can always go to him. Usually he says the equivalent of 'what the eff' are you doing', but he really can't argue too much about the people I am attracted to because Yoga Pants has an aversion to sand. To sand. I don't even understand how that's a thing or why that came up the night they met, but whatever. I said as long as they never go on a date where sand volleyball is involved, he should be golden.
I feel like this entry just kind of abruptly ended, but it's all I've got for today. Till next time, whenever that may be...
Not too many people can say that statement. D and I dated for five years and broke up five years ago. Next week would have been our 10 year anniversary, had we stayed together. It was pretty much the best break-up ever. I looked at him, said, "We're never getting married, are we?" He said, "No." I said, "Are you happy?" He said, "No, are you?" I said, "No." There was some crying on my part but mainly because I was scared of losing him as a friend. He's a wonderful person and we were great friends, but that's all we were. However, when you spend that large of a chunk of your life with someone, it's hard to think they may not be there anymore. That was five years ago and we're still very close. In fact, we email 3-4 days a week, sometimes multiple times a day. We email inside jokes between the two of us, links we think the other person would enjoy (usually something Legends of the Hidden Temple or GUTS related), and talk to eachother about people in our lives that we're dating, or want to date. His current goal is to get into the yoga pants of a girl on his kickball team we affectionately call Yoga Pants. I don't know her real name. I know he's told me, but I can't remember it, and prefer to call her Yoga Pants.
I've always prided myself on the fact that I'm friendly with my exes. No, I don't talk to any of them as much as I talk to D, but that would be too many people to correspond over email with. I don't hate any of them and would greet anyone I dated in the past with a hug. I mean, there are one or two that I wouldn't mind if they contracted a venereal disease at some point in their lives, but I would hope it would be a curable one. I do feel, however, that once your ex is married, correspondence should cease between the two of you, out of respect for their spouse. No more birthday facebook postings, no more congratulations texts, and definitely no sexting. Not that I ever engage in that activity with an ex. But I might someday, if I'm bored.
People often ask me if I think we'll ever get back together and my response is always no. Yes, we still get along really well and he's one of the first people I tell about huge life events, but he's just a really good friend. And I doubt he'd want to date me again anyway. I was a terrible girlfriend at times and an awesome one at others. I mean, we dated when I was 18-23...what 18-23 year old can't say they were equally awesome and horrible to their partners? But that ship has sailed and that Yankee Candle has been blown out. (There's a really hilarious story about my ex and Yankee Candles. Ask me about it sometime.) But it's nice to know that if I need a male perspective on the latest guy in my life, I can always go to him. Usually he says the equivalent of 'what the eff' are you doing', but he really can't argue too much about the people I am attracted to because Yoga Pants has an aversion to sand. To sand. I don't even understand how that's a thing or why that came up the night they met, but whatever. I said as long as they never go on a date where sand volleyball is involved, he should be golden.
I feel like this entry just kind of abruptly ended, but it's all I've got for today. Till next time, whenever that may be...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
16 Ways I Want to Respond to the Question "Do You Have A Boyfriend?"
I really hate that question. For several reasons. It frequently comes at inopportune times. It's used as a filler for the last ten minutes of a lunch hour meeting, or when you run into someone on the street that you would be fine never seeing again, but apparently they want to share their life story with you. Co-workers will ask you if you've had any dates lately and then pat you on the shoulder and say, "Oh, don't worry. You'll find someone someday." Um, thanks, but I'm not worried. You're the one that brought it up. So I have come up with 16 responses that I have committed myself to say in the future when this question is posed to me.
1.) Why don't you ask me if I have a girlfriend?
2.) How much is in your 401k? Oh wait, is that too personal? So sorry.
3.) I have severe trust issues and am probably too emotionally damaged to ever be capable of loving another person wholeheartedly.
4.) I mean, I have a guy I sleep with every now and then. Does that count?
5.) I'm a swinger.
6.) Yes. But he's a secret government agent and if I told you his identity I would have to kill you.
7.) Well this guy thinks I'm his girlfriend but I'm not.
8.) I'm not allowed to date until I'm 40.
9.) I'm actually a polygamist and have four husbands in four different states. Shhh.
10.) Well, I did put a 'Missed Connections' ad out on Craigslist, so fingers crossed!
11.) Define "boyfriend."
12.) Why, are you trying to ask me out?
13.) 'A' boyfriend? I have a harem of boyfriends.
14.) Yes, and I'm only dating him for his money and the use of his fancy car.
15.) (burst into tears) Nooooo! I'm so ugly and stupid and lame and no one wants to date meeeeeeeeee!
16.) That, sir or madame, is none of your concern.
Any other creative responses I should add to this list?
1.) Why don't you ask me if I have a girlfriend?
2.) How much is in your 401k? Oh wait, is that too personal? So sorry.
3.) I have severe trust issues and am probably too emotionally damaged to ever be capable of loving another person wholeheartedly.
4.) I mean, I have a guy I sleep with every now and then. Does that count?
5.) I'm a swinger.
6.) Yes. But he's a secret government agent and if I told you his identity I would have to kill you.
7.) Well this guy thinks I'm his girlfriend but I'm not.
8.) I'm not allowed to date until I'm 40.
9.) I'm actually a polygamist and have four husbands in four different states. Shhh.
10.) Well, I did put a 'Missed Connections' ad out on Craigslist, so fingers crossed!
11.) Define "boyfriend."
12.) Why, are you trying to ask me out?
13.) 'A' boyfriend? I have a harem of boyfriends.
14.) Yes, and I'm only dating him for his money and the use of his fancy car.
15.) (burst into tears) Nooooo! I'm so ugly and stupid and lame and no one wants to date meeeeeeeeee!
16.) That, sir or madame, is none of your concern.
Any other creative responses I should add to this list?
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Am I Weird?
You and I both already know the answer to that question. Yes, I'm terrifically weird. And I wouldn't be any other way. But I'm not talking about being a weird person in general. I'm talking about being weird when it comes to the relationship area of my life. Here's the story.
So, I haven't dated anyone in a pretty long time. Sure, there have been dates here and there, but no really significant relationship in the past couple of years. Most of the time I'm pretty okay being single, and I usually prefer it. Of course there are those moments when you wish you had someone, like when your dad says something hurtful to you or when you have a bad day...or when you can't get your dress zipped all the way up in the back and you go to work with it halfway unzipped and ask a co-worker to finish it zipping up for you. Luckily I have no shame, so this wasn't as awkward as it could be.
So I had been talking to this guy and he did everything right. He called instead of texted, asked me on a next date while we were still on the present one, and was a very nice person. He talked about wanting to settle down, how Nashville was a place he wanted to raise his kids, and how he was at a place in his life where he was ready for all that. This is supposed to be a girl's dream, right? Well, apparently not me. I told him that while I have enjoyed hanging out with him and getting to know him, I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now. To which he replied, then why am I on an online dating site, which is a valid point. I didn't want to say "well, actually I'm just not ready for a relationship with you" because that seems a little mean, even for me. But I just didn't spark with him, and it was easier to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship at all than specify it to him. In my eyes anyway.
I have to have that spark with people. That feeling where you know you want to talk to this person again. Just because you spark with someone doesn't mean you necessarily want to date them. I spark with my girlfriends and I spark with their significant others, because I genuinely like them and enjoy spending my time with them. No, I don't want my friends boyfriends to kiss me up against a wall or come help me zip up my dress. That would be totally inappropriate. I just need that feeling that I want to have a second conversation with you. And if, at the end of the night, when walking me to my car, I do not want to be saying in my head "please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me."
My friends constantly give me grief for not giving people a chance. I look at it as I am not wasting anyone's time. I know myself pretty damn well and I know if I'm not interested, I'm not going to be. It doesn't take time to grow or whatever. It just isn't there. Is there something wrong with me? I had a close to perfect guy that wanted to seriously date me and I said no. It was the right thing to do because I wasn't feeling it, but is my feeler broken? That sounds really inappropriate.
Maybe someday I'll meet that person that I spark with and can't wait to talk to again. And maybe we'll go on a few dates and then I'll decide that yes, I really do want to welcome this person 100% into my life. I'm 28, it's not like I'm short on time. But right now, I'm just enjoying being me. I'm nerdy, slightly messy, a teensy bit OCD, a lot sassy, a tad bitchy and quite a bit funny. And one day, if a guy comes along that makes me feel like I can't wait to see him again, great. But right now, I'm fine it just being me.
So, I haven't dated anyone in a pretty long time. Sure, there have been dates here and there, but no really significant relationship in the past couple of years. Most of the time I'm pretty okay being single, and I usually prefer it. Of course there are those moments when you wish you had someone, like when your dad says something hurtful to you or when you have a bad day...or when you can't get your dress zipped all the way up in the back and you go to work with it halfway unzipped and ask a co-worker to finish it zipping up for you. Luckily I have no shame, so this wasn't as awkward as it could be.
So I had been talking to this guy and he did everything right. He called instead of texted, asked me on a next date while we were still on the present one, and was a very nice person. He talked about wanting to settle down, how Nashville was a place he wanted to raise his kids, and how he was at a place in his life where he was ready for all that. This is supposed to be a girl's dream, right? Well, apparently not me. I told him that while I have enjoyed hanging out with him and getting to know him, I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now. To which he replied, then why am I on an online dating site, which is a valid point. I didn't want to say "well, actually I'm just not ready for a relationship with you" because that seems a little mean, even for me. But I just didn't spark with him, and it was easier to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship at all than specify it to him. In my eyes anyway.
I have to have that spark with people. That feeling where you know you want to talk to this person again. Just because you spark with someone doesn't mean you necessarily want to date them. I spark with my girlfriends and I spark with their significant others, because I genuinely like them and enjoy spending my time with them. No, I don't want my friends boyfriends to kiss me up against a wall or come help me zip up my dress. That would be totally inappropriate. I just need that feeling that I want to have a second conversation with you. And if, at the end of the night, when walking me to my car, I do not want to be saying in my head "please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me."
My friends constantly give me grief for not giving people a chance. I look at it as I am not wasting anyone's time. I know myself pretty damn well and I know if I'm not interested, I'm not going to be. It doesn't take time to grow or whatever. It just isn't there. Is there something wrong with me? I had a close to perfect guy that wanted to seriously date me and I said no. It was the right thing to do because I wasn't feeling it, but is my feeler broken? That sounds really inappropriate.
Maybe someday I'll meet that person that I spark with and can't wait to talk to again. And maybe we'll go on a few dates and then I'll decide that yes, I really do want to welcome this person 100% into my life. I'm 28, it's not like I'm short on time. But right now, I'm just enjoying being me. I'm nerdy, slightly messy, a teensy bit OCD, a lot sassy, a tad bitchy and quite a bit funny. And one day, if a guy comes along that makes me feel like I can't wait to see him again, great. But right now, I'm fine it just being me.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
No, Subway Does Not Have Organic Tomatoes. IT'S SUBWAY!
Well readers, a lot has been going on in my world. And by a lot, I mean I have had the 2013 equivalent of the bubonic plague for the past week. What I thought was allergies grew into a cold and then snowballed into a sinus infection/ear infection in both ear combination that took two rounds of antibiotics and a steroid shot to combat. I'm still not at 100%, but I can at least walk to the bathroom without needing to take a fucking nap.
Other than being sick and trying to stay caught up at work, not much has happened. I have, however, started to fill up my summer social calendar and boy, is it going to be an expensive summer. I'm talking multiply baby showers, wedding showers, bachelorette parties, weddings, etc, all of which will require either fitting into a dress I already own or buying/renting a new one. Yes, renting. Rent the Runway is fabulous and will definitely be getting some business from me this summer. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for all of these events. My friends having babies are going to be great parents, my friends getting married are super in love, and who doesn't like an excuse to wear a great dress and fabulous shoes and drink at an open bar?
When thinking about what I wanted to write about today, several topics came to mind. I could write about gay marriage, which seems to be on everyone's most-discussed list right now. I actually did write about it, but decided it wasn't my story to tell and only sent it to a few friends. If you want to read a point of view that you maybe haven't heard from about the issue, feel free to email me or message me privately and I'll happily share it. I got pretty good feedback from it and it's writing that I'm very proud of. Another topic that came to mind to write about is a single girl's gift registry. You know, that episode of Sex & The City where Carrie registers for shoes that were stolen at a baby shower she attended? Because we buy baby and wedding gifts for people to celebrate their life choices, why shouldn't single girls get good gifts too! But then I thought that would be too much research and I'd have to actually figure out what I'd want to put on a registry and that stressed me out.
So I settled on writing about restaurant etiquette. Mainly because I have been really annoyed by several people at restaurants this week, and I have been told I'm at my funniest when I'm annoyed. So Tuesday, in the midst of my plague, I went to Subway after a visitation because I figured I could get a sandwich and eat off of it for the entire day. I'm standing there in my heels and fancy coat since I actually had to enter a church for the visitation (and I get didn't get struck by lightning! Maybe Jesus likes this blog after all!) and all I want is my veggie sub on wheat with oil and vinegar and this lady in front of me is taking forever. We are the only two people in the place. It's 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. This is not rocket science. So then she asks what could be the most annoying or entertaining question I have ever heard at Subway: Do you all use organic tomatoes? Of course Subway doesn't use organic tomatoes! They sell foot long sandwiches (or 11 inches in some cases) full of meat and vegetables for five dollars. They do not use organically fed chicken or organic produce. I'll say it again. They sell five dollar foot long sandwiches. Of course that shit is not organic. The poor sandwich maker just started at her and politely said they did not. The woman sneered at the kid and huffed like she was being so inconvenienced by having to put anything other than Whole Foods quality produce in her Lululemon clad body. I fully expect this woman to get something super healthy and she then orders a philly cheese steak melt with extra mayonaise. Say what? You're worried about organic tomatoes and you order a heart attack on wheat? I do not understand this world.
So then today at lunch, I saw another thing I can't stand at restaurants: people that ask too many questions. I've never been a server and that's a good thing because those people are saints. We're at my favorite sushi spot downtown and this mother and daughter sit down next to us. The mother proceeds to ask all of these questions about what goes into the spicy mayo, how fried are the tempura items, and she can't eat rice right now because she's on a special diet so which rolls don't have rice in them? Um, how about just read your menu because your menu tells you what is in the food you consume. Also, you can't eat rice? Should have thought about that before you entered a sushi/Japanese establishment for lunch. I sometimes have questions about the menu. And it's fine to have one or two. But if you're so concerned with how everything is made and what every ingredient in the spicy mayo is, then maybe you should stay home and cook for yourself. I have no idea what she ended up ordering, but I can tell you it wasn't as good as my yellowtail roll. With delicious rice.
I sound bitchy today but I'm really in a great mood, actually. Pizza with some girls and kickball later and I don't have to work tomorrow. I do have to go home to Kentucky this weekend (shit) but it's been a month and a half and I can't stretch it any longer. Plus, there's the whole thing about Sunday being a holiday and all that, but I prefer to think of it as Game Of Thrones Premiere Day instead of it's more traditional title: Easter. My friends and I have been sending nerdy emails with Game Of Thrones references and I am pumped. So, I'll sign off of here like I signed my last email. If you watch/read Game of Thrones you'll get it. If not, you'll just continue to think how horribly awkward and weird I am. I'm fine with either.
Lady Anna of Bellevue
House: Stergas
Motto: Choose Joy and Kick Ass
Sigil: Bon Jovi cat
Other than being sick and trying to stay caught up at work, not much has happened. I have, however, started to fill up my summer social calendar and boy, is it going to be an expensive summer. I'm talking multiply baby showers, wedding showers, bachelorette parties, weddings, etc, all of which will require either fitting into a dress I already own or buying/renting a new one. Yes, renting. Rent the Runway is fabulous and will definitely be getting some business from me this summer. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for all of these events. My friends having babies are going to be great parents, my friends getting married are super in love, and who doesn't like an excuse to wear a great dress and fabulous shoes and drink at an open bar?
When thinking about what I wanted to write about today, several topics came to mind. I could write about gay marriage, which seems to be on everyone's most-discussed list right now. I actually did write about it, but decided it wasn't my story to tell and only sent it to a few friends. If you want to read a point of view that you maybe haven't heard from about the issue, feel free to email me or message me privately and I'll happily share it. I got pretty good feedback from it and it's writing that I'm very proud of. Another topic that came to mind to write about is a single girl's gift registry. You know, that episode of Sex & The City where Carrie registers for shoes that were stolen at a baby shower she attended? Because we buy baby and wedding gifts for people to celebrate their life choices, why shouldn't single girls get good gifts too! But then I thought that would be too much research and I'd have to actually figure out what I'd want to put on a registry and that stressed me out.
So I settled on writing about restaurant etiquette. Mainly because I have been really annoyed by several people at restaurants this week, and I have been told I'm at my funniest when I'm annoyed. So Tuesday, in the midst of my plague, I went to Subway after a visitation because I figured I could get a sandwich and eat off of it for the entire day. I'm standing there in my heels and fancy coat since I actually had to enter a church for the visitation (and I get didn't get struck by lightning! Maybe Jesus likes this blog after all!) and all I want is my veggie sub on wheat with oil and vinegar and this lady in front of me is taking forever. We are the only two people in the place. It's 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. This is not rocket science. So then she asks what could be the most annoying or entertaining question I have ever heard at Subway: Do you all use organic tomatoes? Of course Subway doesn't use organic tomatoes! They sell foot long sandwiches (or 11 inches in some cases) full of meat and vegetables for five dollars. They do not use organically fed chicken or organic produce. I'll say it again. They sell five dollar foot long sandwiches. Of course that shit is not organic. The poor sandwich maker just started at her and politely said they did not. The woman sneered at the kid and huffed like she was being so inconvenienced by having to put anything other than Whole Foods quality produce in her Lululemon clad body. I fully expect this woman to get something super healthy and she then orders a philly cheese steak melt with extra mayonaise. Say what? You're worried about organic tomatoes and you order a heart attack on wheat? I do not understand this world.
So then today at lunch, I saw another thing I can't stand at restaurants: people that ask too many questions. I've never been a server and that's a good thing because those people are saints. We're at my favorite sushi spot downtown and this mother and daughter sit down next to us. The mother proceeds to ask all of these questions about what goes into the spicy mayo, how fried are the tempura items, and she can't eat rice right now because she's on a special diet so which rolls don't have rice in them? Um, how about just read your menu because your menu tells you what is in the food you consume. Also, you can't eat rice? Should have thought about that before you entered a sushi/Japanese establishment for lunch. I sometimes have questions about the menu. And it's fine to have one or two. But if you're so concerned with how everything is made and what every ingredient in the spicy mayo is, then maybe you should stay home and cook for yourself. I have no idea what she ended up ordering, but I can tell you it wasn't as good as my yellowtail roll. With delicious rice.
I sound bitchy today but I'm really in a great mood, actually. Pizza with some girls and kickball later and I don't have to work tomorrow. I do have to go home to Kentucky this weekend (shit) but it's been a month and a half and I can't stretch it any longer. Plus, there's the whole thing about Sunday being a holiday and all that, but I prefer to think of it as Game Of Thrones Premiere Day instead of it's more traditional title: Easter. My friends and I have been sending nerdy emails with Game Of Thrones references and I am pumped. So, I'll sign off of here like I signed my last email. If you watch/read Game of Thrones you'll get it. If not, you'll just continue to think how horribly awkward and weird I am. I'm fine with either.
Lady Anna of Bellevue
House: Stergas
Motto: Choose Joy and Kick Ass
Sigil: Bon Jovi cat
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Why Bingo Cards Make Every Life Event Better
Happy Julius Randle Day!
If you know who that is then you're celebrating with me and if you don't, then, well...I guess you're not excited. But, let's just say that college basketball next season is going to be pretty darn fun...if you're a UK fan.
Anyway, let's talk about an important life staple: the BINGO card. No, I'm not talking about the game played in nursing homes or at your elementary school's fall festival. (By the way, I have a great idea for a party: An Adult Themed Fall Festival! That sounds slightly pornographic, but the explanation is not. Guests would play all the games they played at Fall Festivals at their schools, but these games would be the grown up version. Example: instead of tossing rings onto 2-liters, guests would toss rings onto 40s. The cake walk would be the booze walk, the fishing game would have prizes such as flavored lube, and there would be body painting instead of face painting. Genius.) Back to the point, I'm talking about fun BINGO cards.
I saw my first BINGO card a few years ago when CMA Fest was in town. It used to be called Fan Fair and my friend L who works in the music business called the attendees fanfairies and showed me the BINGO card for that year. It listed things like 'find a mullet' or 'spot jorts'. Things that you knew you'd probably see. I later made my own card for my friend K's annual Sweatpants Birthday Pub Crawl. I've since made one for St. Patrick's Day and another friend's birthday this past weekend. The possibilities are endless. Has your friend ever danced on a piece of furniture and fell off? Put it on a BINGO card. Have they ever done a tribal dance around a Red Stripe bottle in Key West? Card it. Do they have a habit of making duckface? Easy. You can put pretty much anything on there. It's also a good way to get people to make idiots out of themselves in a crowded bar. I mean, have you ever seen someone randomly strike a yoga pose in a bar on a Saturday night? Well, if you were at Rebar this past Saturday you did. Usually spectators get in on the fun and offer to help you fill out your card, which is a great way to meet new friends and potential future exes. Really, there's no way you can't win with a BINGO card. If you ever need help putting one together. Apparently I'm really good at it and I think I will add it to my resume.
Also something I'm good at? Fixing printers. Or rather, kicking the printer and calling it a bastard until it starts working again.
Till next time!
If you know who that is then you're celebrating with me and if you don't, then, well...I guess you're not excited. But, let's just say that college basketball next season is going to be pretty darn fun...if you're a UK fan.
Anyway, let's talk about an important life staple: the BINGO card. No, I'm not talking about the game played in nursing homes or at your elementary school's fall festival. (By the way, I have a great idea for a party: An Adult Themed Fall Festival! That sounds slightly pornographic, but the explanation is not. Guests would play all the games they played at Fall Festivals at their schools, but these games would be the grown up version. Example: instead of tossing rings onto 2-liters, guests would toss rings onto 40s. The cake walk would be the booze walk, the fishing game would have prizes such as flavored lube, and there would be body painting instead of face painting. Genius.) Back to the point, I'm talking about fun BINGO cards.
I saw my first BINGO card a few years ago when CMA Fest was in town. It used to be called Fan Fair and my friend L who works in the music business called the attendees fanfairies and showed me the BINGO card for that year. It listed things like 'find a mullet' or 'spot jorts'. Things that you knew you'd probably see. I later made my own card for my friend K's annual Sweatpants Birthday Pub Crawl. I've since made one for St. Patrick's Day and another friend's birthday this past weekend. The possibilities are endless. Has your friend ever danced on a piece of furniture and fell off? Put it on a BINGO card. Have they ever done a tribal dance around a Red Stripe bottle in Key West? Card it. Do they have a habit of making duckface? Easy. You can put pretty much anything on there. It's also a good way to get people to make idiots out of themselves in a crowded bar. I mean, have you ever seen someone randomly strike a yoga pose in a bar on a Saturday night? Well, if you were at Rebar this past Saturday you did. Usually spectators get in on the fun and offer to help you fill out your card, which is a great way to meet new friends and potential future exes. Really, there's no way you can't win with a BINGO card. If you ever need help putting one together. Apparently I'm really good at it and I think I will add it to my resume.
Also something I'm good at? Fixing printers. Or rather, kicking the printer and calling it a bastard until it starts working again.
Till next time!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
SEC Tournament or Bust...Bust Being the Operative Word
Well, that was fun. So I had been looking forward to this weekend for months. I love when the SEC Tournament is in Nashville. Downtown is coated in a sea of blue and every person you meet is your new best friend. I was especially excited because this year the tournament did not fall during Daylight Savings Time weekend. This poses a problem when time springs forward when you are not expecting it to, causing you to make out with a boy in your car until you are positive all alcohol has left your system and you are sober enough to drive, since the bar where you had planned to sober up closed an hour early. The things we do for safety...or maybe it's just me.
Anyway, I walked around downtown yesterday during my lunch break and met a lot of new friends. There was Tom from Versailles who tried to buy me a shot of bourbon on the street. Now, there were no bourbon vendors on the street, nor would have I accepted a shot since it was 11 a.m. and I had to go back to work, but Tom seemed undeterred. His wife just kept shaking her head and mumbling something about him thinking he was still 30 or something. I also met four year old Kayla who was decked out in her UK cheerleading finest. She proceeded to tell me that I was a lot older than she thought but she guessed I still looked okay. But my favorite new friend was Sandra. Sandra is 88 years old and was visitng Nashville for her 6th SEC tournament. She got so excited when she told me she was here for the last one and got to sing Happy Birthday to Patrick Patterson. I hope that's me one day.
I even ended up scoring a spot in a suite (for FREE) at the last minute so I was even more excited. Free food, free alcohol, good company...what more could you want?
Well, it would have been nice if my team had won. Now I'm not going to get down on my team because I don't do that. I love them no matter what and I can't stand when people rant about how done they are with a team. I'd like to see you do half of what those 18 year olds down on the court are doing. I hope we make the NCAA but if we don't, we don't. I still bleed blue no matter what.
So, my weekend has freed up a bit since I had planned on spending part of today downtown. But, I have other exciting things to do, such as get ready to celebrate the birthday of one of my best friends in Nashville tonight! Perfect way to get over one disappointment is to move onto something that you know will be epic.
I also had time to finish up an article I'm submitting to ThoughtCatalog. It's about Yankee Candles. Trust me. It's a good one. Keep an eye out for it...hopefully it will be shared with the world. I just hope the person it's about never reads it because I doubt we'd continue to email four times a week. Fingers crossed.
Enjoy this lovely Saturday, and as always, GO CATS!
Anyway, I walked around downtown yesterday during my lunch break and met a lot of new friends. There was Tom from Versailles who tried to buy me a shot of bourbon on the street. Now, there were no bourbon vendors on the street, nor would have I accepted a shot since it was 11 a.m. and I had to go back to work, but Tom seemed undeterred. His wife just kept shaking her head and mumbling something about him thinking he was still 30 or something. I also met four year old Kayla who was decked out in her UK cheerleading finest. She proceeded to tell me that I was a lot older than she thought but she guessed I still looked okay. But my favorite new friend was Sandra. Sandra is 88 years old and was visitng Nashville for her 6th SEC tournament. She got so excited when she told me she was here for the last one and got to sing Happy Birthday to Patrick Patterson. I hope that's me one day.
I even ended up scoring a spot in a suite (for FREE) at the last minute so I was even more excited. Free food, free alcohol, good company...what more could you want?
Well, it would have been nice if my team had won. Now I'm not going to get down on my team because I don't do that. I love them no matter what and I can't stand when people rant about how done they are with a team. I'd like to see you do half of what those 18 year olds down on the court are doing. I hope we make the NCAA but if we don't, we don't. I still bleed blue no matter what.
So, my weekend has freed up a bit since I had planned on spending part of today downtown. But, I have other exciting things to do, such as get ready to celebrate the birthday of one of my best friends in Nashville tonight! Perfect way to get over one disappointment is to move onto something that you know will be epic.
I also had time to finish up an article I'm submitting to ThoughtCatalog. It's about Yankee Candles. Trust me. It's a good one. Keep an eye out for it...hopefully it will be shared with the world. I just hope the person it's about never reads it because I doubt we'd continue to email four times a week. Fingers crossed.
Enjoy this lovely Saturday, and as always, GO CATS!
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