Few things make me happier than a good pair of tights.
I'm serious.
Tights are good for so many things. See below:
1.) Helping to suck it in. Unless your body is perfect (which maybe it is and if so, I hate you) then you more than likely have a few problem spots that some dresses and skirts just do not forgive. That extra centimeter the tights take off of your figure can be really helpful when you want to look your best.
2.) Keeping you warm. Now, as someone who, as you readers know, doesn't really like to wear pants, this means I wear a lot of dresses and skirts. And it has been cold lately. So, thanks to the miracle that is sweater tights, I have been kept warm throughout the winter season. Maybe not as warm as I would have been if I was wearing pants, but I was more comfortable. And comfort is key.
3.) They can be expressive. Feeling flirty? Wear some tights with polka dots. Feeling daring? Wear some electric blue tights. Or, if you're me, just wear black no matter what. I do not own polka dotted or electric blue tights. But I could if I wanted to.
4.) They make short skirts acceptable. Okay ladies, you all know you own at least three dresses that are about an inch too short for you to be wearing. But slip on a pair of tights and all of a sudden the skirt that previously barely covered your butt is now an acceptable outfit for an evening in Midtown.
5.) They save you from embarassment. As someone who works in the downtown wind tunnel, I appreciate the barrier that tights give me, in case my skirt decides to go with the flow of the wind and I almost flash everyone downtown. Now, I wear cute underwear everyday. But that doesn't mean I want to show it to the world.
However, tights do have their drawbacks. They are sometimes uncomfortable and if you put them on twisted, then girl, you will not be comfortable all day. They also can't be worn in warm weather because then you get hot. I love that Spring is approaching but I hate the fact that I need to quickly join a tanning bed so I can wear my skirts and dresses without blinding people because my legs are so white. Yeah, I could use self-tanner, except I am horribly inept at applying the stuff and I always mess up my back. Or forget to wash the outline of my hands and look like I have been playing in dirt. There are spray tans, yes, but I can't afford to spend that much money to stand in a booth and have jets of liquid tan shoot out at me every five days. Plus, it smells. And it gets on your sheets.
And as I've mentioned before tights can pose a conundrum if you have met a nice gentleman out on a night on the town and end up going back to their place for wine and conversation. Or a shot and a hookup. Pick your pleasure. Remember ladies, tights come off first. Because few things are less attractive than standing in front of someone in your super cute bra and your sheer tights that are pulled up to your waist. Unless that gets you going. Whatever. You do you.
So, with the approach of Spring, it is almost time to bid farewell to one of my favorite things. And I guess it's time to hit the gym even harder since I'm not going to have that extra centimeter cushion in my clothing. Damn. Is it Fall yet?
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Demand Awesome
Happy Sunday evening readers!
Hope everyone had a great weekend springing forward. I love that there will now be more daylight in the day, but I am not a fan of losing an hour of sleep. As someone who needs every second they can get, the loss of an hour affects me more than others. BUT, as long as these next few days are sunny and I see the benefit of the change, I guess I can handle it.
It's weird, that moment when you finally accept the advice you'd give to anyone else in your situation. You know what you should do, you just don't want to do it because it's not the answer you want. Every friend you have can tell you what you need to do, but until you truly accept it yourself, you're just not going to do it. Sometimes it comes as a huge revelation and sometimes it seems to happen naturally and organically, and becomes something that you feel like you've always known. Weird how life works.
I was talking to a friend the other day and I have been repeating the same phrase over and over, ever since: demand awesome. Now it's not something that I'm going to get tattooed on my body (although my love of being symmetrical and my dislike of odd numbers urges me to get a tattoo on my right ribcage in order to even things out), but I think it's a pretty good saying. We put up with way to much mediocrity, and even disapointments, in this life. Oh, someone sent you a one word reply to a text message that probably warranted a sentence? At least they replied! Oh, you called someone because you really needed to talk and were crying and they said they'd call you back after their boyfriend left? At least they didn't outright say no. Oh, the guy you have liked for months and went out with four times called because he was "thinking of you" (aka, he had no other options and wanted someone to remind him he was desired even if he doesn't desire you back) even though you made it very clear after he dropped you off after your last date that you couldn't wait for the next one? Super cool. It's almost hard to be upset at people who accept mediocrity because it's what we've been trained to do. Expecting more makes you seem like a demanding bitch or bastard, and people get put out when they actually have to put out an effort in order to be your friend or date you.
Well, I have issued a challenge to myself to demand awesome. So what if people don't give it to you? Fuck them. Just not literally, because that would make you slutty. My time, and your time, is precious, so don't waste it on people who don't give you a second thought 9/10 times. I've done this in small ways so far, and hopefully I'll continue. For example, I'm venturing out into the online dating world...again.. It's uncomfortable for me, but I'm really trying to decide whether to stay in Nashville or not, and let's be honest, me meeting someone here would be a huge factor in that decision. I know you're not supposed to say that and be an independent woman and all that shit, but I'm being honest. I want a relationship. It's been four years. As Hannah Horvath from Girls says, "I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time*, thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me." (*I don't really want to hang out all the time. I need space. But it's in the quote so I included it.) I have been exchanging messages with this one guy, who seems very nice, and yesterday he gave me his phone number and said I could text him if I want to. Well, I don't want to. Not because I don't want to get to know him, but I do not want to text him. First of all, damn it, be a guy and ask for my number first. I'm not a traditionalist in many ways when it comes to gender roles in a relationship but man up and ask for those seven little numbers that will allow you to contact me. Do not expect me to contact you first. Second, I've mentioned before my loathe of texting. Yes, I'll text to make plans or to ask a simple question, but if I really want to talk to someone, I pick up the phone and call them. Having a conversation over text message is ridiculous and I've wasted far too much of my time doing this. I responded to the other questions in his email and ignored the phone number part. Maybe I'll give him mine after a few more messages, and maybe not. I already get the feel he wants to settle down too quickly and I need to make sure he's someone I would enjoy going on a date with. And if he gets mad that I didn't give him my number or that I didn't text him, oh well.
Another way I'm trying to demand awesome is to demand more from my friendships. I am blessed to have so many amazing and awesome friends. But there are those that I seem to give and give and give to and I don't get much, if anything, back. I had a phone conversation with a numerologist a few weeks ago and she read my numbers. This was a new experience for me, as I really didn't know much about the science of numerology...and it really is a science. She doesn't tell your future, rather she tells you what the numbers of your birthdate and name say about you. What was so interesting about the experience was that we had only spoken for about ten minutes tops before we had the phone conversation, so it's not like she could glean a lot of information about me in that brief time. She said I was fiercely independent and needed to surround myself with people that just let me be me. People that aren't surprised when I show up to places with a 'Weasley Is Our King' tshirt on. Okay, she didn't really say that, but you get my drift. I have to surround myself with friends who, although they may roll their eyes, will love me and my inner (and notsohidden) nerd. She said that I'm very wise and an old soul, something else I would agree with. I often know what the right thing to do is, I just may not choose to follow my own instincts and do that. But the main thing she said was that people are drawn to me (?) and I have the ability to be whatever that person needs me to be, whether it be a listener, a cheerleader, a bitch who tells them they are ruined and suck as a person, or a nurturer. But I have to be careful of people who will take and take from me and will not give anything back, because it will make me feel used. My time and my friendship is precious, and there's nothing arrogant about saying that because I believe that of everyone. I have to make sure I'm not trying to make a casual acquaintance into a friend because that won't actually work.
The hardest area of my life to demand awesome from is my family. I could write pages about this, but I'm not going to. Those of you who know understand and those of you who don't, don't need to at this point in time.
I know this entry hasn't been very entertaining, but I did manage to slip the 'f' word in there so there's that. I hope you all have an awesome Monday and if it's only a mediocre Monday, look that bitch in the face and demand that it be awesome. She might give scoff in your face, but at least you took the first step to demanding more for your life. You deserve it. As Kid President says, "People were made to be awesome." And I say, awesome people deserve awesome.
Hope everyone had a great weekend springing forward. I love that there will now be more daylight in the day, but I am not a fan of losing an hour of sleep. As someone who needs every second they can get, the loss of an hour affects me more than others. BUT, as long as these next few days are sunny and I see the benefit of the change, I guess I can handle it.
It's weird, that moment when you finally accept the advice you'd give to anyone else in your situation. You know what you should do, you just don't want to do it because it's not the answer you want. Every friend you have can tell you what you need to do, but until you truly accept it yourself, you're just not going to do it. Sometimes it comes as a huge revelation and sometimes it seems to happen naturally and organically, and becomes something that you feel like you've always known. Weird how life works.
I was talking to a friend the other day and I have been repeating the same phrase over and over, ever since: demand awesome. Now it's not something that I'm going to get tattooed on my body (although my love of being symmetrical and my dislike of odd numbers urges me to get a tattoo on my right ribcage in order to even things out), but I think it's a pretty good saying. We put up with way to much mediocrity, and even disapointments, in this life. Oh, someone sent you a one word reply to a text message that probably warranted a sentence? At least they replied! Oh, you called someone because you really needed to talk and were crying and they said they'd call you back after their boyfriend left? At least they didn't outright say no. Oh, the guy you have liked for months and went out with four times called because he was "thinking of you" (aka, he had no other options and wanted someone to remind him he was desired even if he doesn't desire you back) even though you made it very clear after he dropped you off after your last date that you couldn't wait for the next one? Super cool. It's almost hard to be upset at people who accept mediocrity because it's what we've been trained to do. Expecting more makes you seem like a demanding bitch or bastard, and people get put out when they actually have to put out an effort in order to be your friend or date you.
Well, I have issued a challenge to myself to demand awesome. So what if people don't give it to you? Fuck them. Just not literally, because that would make you slutty. My time, and your time, is precious, so don't waste it on people who don't give you a second thought 9/10 times. I've done this in small ways so far, and hopefully I'll continue. For example, I'm venturing out into the online dating world...again.. It's uncomfortable for me, but I'm really trying to decide whether to stay in Nashville or not, and let's be honest, me meeting someone here would be a huge factor in that decision. I know you're not supposed to say that and be an independent woman and all that shit, but I'm being honest. I want a relationship. It's been four years. As Hannah Horvath from Girls says, "I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time*, thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me." (*I don't really want to hang out all the time. I need space. But it's in the quote so I included it.) I have been exchanging messages with this one guy, who seems very nice, and yesterday he gave me his phone number and said I could text him if I want to. Well, I don't want to. Not because I don't want to get to know him, but I do not want to text him. First of all, damn it, be a guy and ask for my number first. I'm not a traditionalist in many ways when it comes to gender roles in a relationship but man up and ask for those seven little numbers that will allow you to contact me. Do not expect me to contact you first. Second, I've mentioned before my loathe of texting. Yes, I'll text to make plans or to ask a simple question, but if I really want to talk to someone, I pick up the phone and call them. Having a conversation over text message is ridiculous and I've wasted far too much of my time doing this. I responded to the other questions in his email and ignored the phone number part. Maybe I'll give him mine after a few more messages, and maybe not. I already get the feel he wants to settle down too quickly and I need to make sure he's someone I would enjoy going on a date with. And if he gets mad that I didn't give him my number or that I didn't text him, oh well.
Another way I'm trying to demand awesome is to demand more from my friendships. I am blessed to have so many amazing and awesome friends. But there are those that I seem to give and give and give to and I don't get much, if anything, back. I had a phone conversation with a numerologist a few weeks ago and she read my numbers. This was a new experience for me, as I really didn't know much about the science of numerology...and it really is a science. She doesn't tell your future, rather she tells you what the numbers of your birthdate and name say about you. What was so interesting about the experience was that we had only spoken for about ten minutes tops before we had the phone conversation, so it's not like she could glean a lot of information about me in that brief time. She said I was fiercely independent and needed to surround myself with people that just let me be me. People that aren't surprised when I show up to places with a 'Weasley Is Our King' tshirt on. Okay, she didn't really say that, but you get my drift. I have to surround myself with friends who, although they may roll their eyes, will love me and my inner (and notsohidden) nerd. She said that I'm very wise and an old soul, something else I would agree with. I often know what the right thing to do is, I just may not choose to follow my own instincts and do that. But the main thing she said was that people are drawn to me (?) and I have the ability to be whatever that person needs me to be, whether it be a listener, a cheerleader, a bitch who tells them they are ruined and suck as a person, or a nurturer. But I have to be careful of people who will take and take from me and will not give anything back, because it will make me feel used. My time and my friendship is precious, and there's nothing arrogant about saying that because I believe that of everyone. I have to make sure I'm not trying to make a casual acquaintance into a friend because that won't actually work.
The hardest area of my life to demand awesome from is my family. I could write pages about this, but I'm not going to. Those of you who know understand and those of you who don't, don't need to at this point in time.
I know this entry hasn't been very entertaining, but I did manage to slip the 'f' word in there so there's that. I hope you all have an awesome Monday and if it's only a mediocre Monday, look that bitch in the face and demand that it be awesome. She might give scoff in your face, but at least you took the first step to demanding more for your life. You deserve it. As Kid President says, "People were made to be awesome." And I say, awesome people deserve awesome.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Bon Jovi Concert Etiquette
Hey y'all.
So, I'm pretty excited today. I might also be slightly delirious from the 1 hour of sleep I'm working with today, but the excitement outweighs the tired. Today will be the 6th time I have seen Bon Jovi in concert. I've been a huge fan since high school and it's been over a year since I last saw them. I'm also excited because there is no opener (I mean, does JBJ really need an opener?) so I'll get home at a decent hour on a work night. That makes me sound 80.
So anyway, I thought I would provide some concert etiquette rules for all of you who are attending as well. Enjoy.
1.) DO wear your shirts with pictures of Jon Bon Jovi on them. You know you have one. And really, concerts are the only time you can wear tshirts with pictures of bands on them without getting odd looks. Unless you are participating in a 90s country star birthday honkey tonk crawl and wear a shirt with a picture of Billy Ray Cyrus and his mullet on it. Then, wearing a shirt with a picture of a band/singer is totally appropriate.
2.) DON'T stay in your seat. You're not a blue hair at Rupp Arena (UK fans will understand this). You can stand up and dance.
3.) DO dance and sing along like an idiot. It's more fun that way.
4.) DON'T get wasted. Because you want to actually remember how good Jon looks in those tight jeans.
5.) DO make sure your hair looks good. Because JBJ has amazing hair and yours needs to look almost as good.
6.) DON'T wear pleather. This should be self explanatory, yet every concert I have been to, I have seen awful violations of this rule.
7.) DO lose your voice. It's not a successful concert if you can still talk the next day.
8.) DON'T tell people around you that you named your cat Bon Jovi. You will get weird looks. Trust.
9.) DO imagine that when Jon sings 'Bed of Roses' he's talking to you. He totally is.
10.) DON'T take the night for granted. Jon just turned 51 and while that by no means is old, it does mean his years of running around a stage for three hours in leather pants and an open shirt are limited.
Have fun if you go to the concert tonight! And if you don't go well, then as my grandmother used to say, "You just don't know what's good."
So, I'm pretty excited today. I might also be slightly delirious from the 1 hour of sleep I'm working with today, but the excitement outweighs the tired. Today will be the 6th time I have seen Bon Jovi in concert. I've been a huge fan since high school and it's been over a year since I last saw them. I'm also excited because there is no opener (I mean, does JBJ really need an opener?) so I'll get home at a decent hour on a work night. That makes me sound 80.
So anyway, I thought I would provide some concert etiquette rules for all of you who are attending as well. Enjoy.
1.) DO wear your shirts with pictures of Jon Bon Jovi on them. You know you have one. And really, concerts are the only time you can wear tshirts with pictures of bands on them without getting odd looks. Unless you are participating in a 90s country star birthday honkey tonk crawl and wear a shirt with a picture of Billy Ray Cyrus and his mullet on it. Then, wearing a shirt with a picture of a band/singer is totally appropriate.
2.) DON'T stay in your seat. You're not a blue hair at Rupp Arena (UK fans will understand this). You can stand up and dance.
3.) DO dance and sing along like an idiot. It's more fun that way.
4.) DON'T get wasted. Because you want to actually remember how good Jon looks in those tight jeans.
5.) DO make sure your hair looks good. Because JBJ has amazing hair and yours needs to look almost as good.
6.) DON'T wear pleather. This should be self explanatory, yet every concert I have been to, I have seen awful violations of this rule.
7.) DO lose your voice. It's not a successful concert if you can still talk the next day.
8.) DON'T tell people around you that you named your cat Bon Jovi. You will get weird looks. Trust.
9.) DO imagine that when Jon sings 'Bed of Roses' he's talking to you. He totally is.
10.) DON'T take the night for granted. Jon just turned 51 and while that by no means is old, it does mean his years of running around a stage for three hours in leather pants and an open shirt are limited.
Have fun if you go to the concert tonight! And if you don't go well, then as my grandmother used to say, "You just don't know what's good."
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The Time I Cooked For A Couple And They Got Engaged
I'm a pretty damn good cook. I say that, but I also say that anyone can be, as long as they follow directions. I don't understand when people say they can't cook. You pour some noodles in boiling water, take them out 8-9 minutes later, pour some marinara sauce on them, and you have cooked spaghetti.
Anyways, being a single girl that likes to cook, I frequently have leftovers. I'm fine eating leftovers, but when I'm on day six of eating something, I tend to not enjoy that. Take this weekend for example. I made this mediterranean macaroni and cheese with olives and fire roasted tomatoes that is eight servings. EIGHT. I made it Sunday, have had it with three meals, and I'm alread tired of it. But, there are five more servings to go. And I'm not even looking forward to them. In these situations, a lot of times, I will give food to my neighbors. They're two guys in college that can barely boil water for their Ramen. One day when I was coming home one of them stopped me and said the food smells coming from my apartment always smell so good. So ever since then, I give them my leftovers occassionally, when I make too much of something or go on a Pinterest frenzy and then don't end up liking what I make. College boys will eat anything.
So Sunday morning, while I was in the midst of my strep throat self imposed quarantine, one of the guys (we'll call him Roy) knocked on my door. I figured something was wrong so I opened it, fever and all. Turns out, he wanted me to cook dinner for him Monday night. Well, he wanted me to cook dinner for him and his girlfriend. But leave before the girlfriend got there. So he could pretend he did it. I thought that only happened on tv, and told him so, but when he offered me $50 I couldn't refuse. I figured out the menu, gave him a grocery list, and told him to call me if he couldn't find any of the ingredients. Apparently poor guy spent 20 minutes in the spice aisle trying to figure out why shallots weren't there. Probably should have explained that one.
The final menu ended up being pan seared scallops with a white wine reduction sauce, mushroom risotto, rosemary & lemon roasted asparagus, and cheesecake with strawberries. Let me let you non-cooks in on a little secret: scallops are the easiest thing to cook in the world. Just get your cooking oil of choice really hot (I prefer vegetable oil), season the scallops with salt and pepper, cook on each side for one minute (do not touch the scallop while cooking!) and there you have pan seared scallops. Seriously, done in two minutes. You don't even really need to make a sauce because they're delicious as is, but a sauce makes them seem even more fancy. Let's be honest. Scallops sound way better than chicken. Even though chicken takes like four times as long to cook. The more you know...
So, I went over to his place, with my arsenal of pots and pans and spices (spices are super expensive and I wasn't going to make him buy a $5 jar of paprika that he would never use again) and got to work. I've made all of that stuff several times, and the cheesecake had been made the night before, so it took no time at all. I even left the asparagus in the oven for him so he could take it out when his girlfriend got there, to really make it look like he had cooked the meal.
Around 2 a.m. this morning I received a text from Roy with the words "she said yes!" I had actually, for once, been asleep at this point and was slightly groggy and didn't realize what that sentence meant immediately. Holy shit, did I cook their engagement dinner?!?! I didn't even know dude was proposing!
After I finished mentally patting myself on the back for cooking such a delicious meal that the girlfriend had no choice but to say "yes" to the question of marriage, I started to think would I have cooked anything different had I known the true reason for the dinner. And I probably wouldn't. All of the things I made sound fancy, were actually easy, and look pretty on a plate.
So, if you're planning on getting engaged soon and need a meal cooked for you, I'm available. It's the easiest $50 I have ever made.
Anyways, being a single girl that likes to cook, I frequently have leftovers. I'm fine eating leftovers, but when I'm on day six of eating something, I tend to not enjoy that. Take this weekend for example. I made this mediterranean macaroni and cheese with olives and fire roasted tomatoes that is eight servings. EIGHT. I made it Sunday, have had it with three meals, and I'm alread tired of it. But, there are five more servings to go. And I'm not even looking forward to them. In these situations, a lot of times, I will give food to my neighbors. They're two guys in college that can barely boil water for their Ramen. One day when I was coming home one of them stopped me and said the food smells coming from my apartment always smell so good. So ever since then, I give them my leftovers occassionally, when I make too much of something or go on a Pinterest frenzy and then don't end up liking what I make. College boys will eat anything.
So Sunday morning, while I was in the midst of my strep throat self imposed quarantine, one of the guys (we'll call him Roy) knocked on my door. I figured something was wrong so I opened it, fever and all. Turns out, he wanted me to cook dinner for him Monday night. Well, he wanted me to cook dinner for him and his girlfriend. But leave before the girlfriend got there. So he could pretend he did it. I thought that only happened on tv, and told him so, but when he offered me $50 I couldn't refuse. I figured out the menu, gave him a grocery list, and told him to call me if he couldn't find any of the ingredients. Apparently poor guy spent 20 minutes in the spice aisle trying to figure out why shallots weren't there. Probably should have explained that one.
The final menu ended up being pan seared scallops with a white wine reduction sauce, mushroom risotto, rosemary & lemon roasted asparagus, and cheesecake with strawberries. Let me let you non-cooks in on a little secret: scallops are the easiest thing to cook in the world. Just get your cooking oil of choice really hot (I prefer vegetable oil), season the scallops with salt and pepper, cook on each side for one minute (do not touch the scallop while cooking!) and there you have pan seared scallops. Seriously, done in two minutes. You don't even really need to make a sauce because they're delicious as is, but a sauce makes them seem even more fancy. Let's be honest. Scallops sound way better than chicken. Even though chicken takes like four times as long to cook. The more you know...
So, I went over to his place, with my arsenal of pots and pans and spices (spices are super expensive and I wasn't going to make him buy a $5 jar of paprika that he would never use again) and got to work. I've made all of that stuff several times, and the cheesecake had been made the night before, so it took no time at all. I even left the asparagus in the oven for him so he could take it out when his girlfriend got there, to really make it look like he had cooked the meal.
Around 2 a.m. this morning I received a text from Roy with the words "she said yes!" I had actually, for once, been asleep at this point and was slightly groggy and didn't realize what that sentence meant immediately. Holy shit, did I cook their engagement dinner?!?! I didn't even know dude was proposing!
After I finished mentally patting myself on the back for cooking such a delicious meal that the girlfriend had no choice but to say "yes" to the question of marriage, I started to think would I have cooked anything different had I known the true reason for the dinner. And I probably wouldn't. All of the things I made sound fancy, were actually easy, and look pretty on a plate.
So, if you're planning on getting engaged soon and need a meal cooked for you, I'm available. It's the easiest $50 I have ever made.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
The Art of Being Sick
There are few things I hate more in this world than being sick. I hate that you feel like a big germ, that you are stuck inside by yourself all day so you don't infect others, and the general feeling of helplessness that comes over you when you realize you're not on your A game. I thought I was just congested and had a sore throat because there's lots of construction going on in one of the buildings I work in. But, when swallowing yesterday felt like I was trying to force razor blades down my throat, I figured it was time to go to the doctor. I knew I had strep, but I needed a guy in a white coat to tell me I had strep so I could medicine for said strep. And of course, I roll into the CVS minute clinic in my jeans, overszied UK sweatshirt and no makeup and the doctor on duty is gorgeous. Great. I look and feel like shit and this gorgeous man gets to look at my throat that I'm sure looks about as good as I do right now. The universe is so cruel sometimes.
He tells me what I already know, I make some lame attempt at humor, and I go on my merry little way. Straight to the grocery store. Now, I know I was told to stay in and not to go out in the world and spread the germ that was wreaking biological warfare on my throat, but look. My debit card number was stolen last weekend and I just got my new card Friday and I needed groceries. I ate peanuts for dinner Thursday night. Seriously. Luckily I had already made my shopping list for everything that I'm going to cook this week, otherwise I would have emerged from Kroger with only vats of ice cream in my cart because that's all I could even think of putting in my mouth yesterday. That sentence sounds utterly inappropriate but I'm tired and don't feel good so it stays.
There are few times I wish I didn't live alone and yesterday was one of them, mainly for the boredom factor. Weekends are usually my time to go out with friends and be social. They are not spent laying on the couch watching Breaking Dawn Part 2. Yes, I actually watched that movie and it was HORRIBLE. Why I decided to watch that yesterday I'll never know...probably something to do with the fact I've read all the books and seen the other movies so I felt like I needed to finish the series. I'm not good with not finishing things I start. But dear Jesus God was that movie awful. Back to the original point of this paragraph. I had friends offer to bring me whatever I needed, which was so so sweet and did not go unappreciated, but what I really wanted was company. But I don't want to get anyone else sick, and I have a big problem asking people for help, so I didn't. Like, a serious issue. Like two weeks ago I was having a horrible day and called a friend to ask them to come over and I rehearsed my phone call nine times. Because I hate admitting that sometimes, I do need help. At least the voicemail I left didn't sound all stuttery.
I guess this is one of those times a boyfriend would come in handy? Maybe? Because aren't they forced to come and sit with you when you're gross? It's been so long I've forgotten. One would also come in handy when I'm trying to zip/unzip a dress that zips up the back. It's obvious most fashion designers are men. Because their clothes are so damn complicated to get in and out of. And then we have to ask them for help taking off the dress which they automatically assume will lead to other things, all because they pulled down a zipper for us. I'm sure boyfriends have other uses than just the aforementioned scenarios, but I'm not sure I care enough to find out.
So back I go, to laying on the couch, eating ice cream out of the carton (being sick is no time to actually use bowls, psh), and re-watching Season Two of Game of Thrones. Enjoy this day since I can't.
He tells me what I already know, I make some lame attempt at humor, and I go on my merry little way. Straight to the grocery store. Now, I know I was told to stay in and not to go out in the world and spread the germ that was wreaking biological warfare on my throat, but look. My debit card number was stolen last weekend and I just got my new card Friday and I needed groceries. I ate peanuts for dinner Thursday night. Seriously. Luckily I had already made my shopping list for everything that I'm going to cook this week, otherwise I would have emerged from Kroger with only vats of ice cream in my cart because that's all I could even think of putting in my mouth yesterday. That sentence sounds utterly inappropriate but I'm tired and don't feel good so it stays.
There are few times I wish I didn't live alone and yesterday was one of them, mainly for the boredom factor. Weekends are usually my time to go out with friends and be social. They are not spent laying on the couch watching Breaking Dawn Part 2. Yes, I actually watched that movie and it was HORRIBLE. Why I decided to watch that yesterday I'll never know...probably something to do with the fact I've read all the books and seen the other movies so I felt like I needed to finish the series. I'm not good with not finishing things I start. But dear Jesus God was that movie awful. Back to the original point of this paragraph. I had friends offer to bring me whatever I needed, which was so so sweet and did not go unappreciated, but what I really wanted was company. But I don't want to get anyone else sick, and I have a big problem asking people for help, so I didn't. Like, a serious issue. Like two weeks ago I was having a horrible day and called a friend to ask them to come over and I rehearsed my phone call nine times. Because I hate admitting that sometimes, I do need help. At least the voicemail I left didn't sound all stuttery.
I guess this is one of those times a boyfriend would come in handy? Maybe? Because aren't they forced to come and sit with you when you're gross? It's been so long I've forgotten. One would also come in handy when I'm trying to zip/unzip a dress that zips up the back. It's obvious most fashion designers are men. Because their clothes are so damn complicated to get in and out of. And then we have to ask them for help taking off the dress which they automatically assume will lead to other things, all because they pulled down a zipper for us. I'm sure boyfriends have other uses than just the aforementioned scenarios, but I'm not sure I care enough to find out.
So back I go, to laying on the couch, eating ice cream out of the carton (being sick is no time to actually use bowls, psh), and re-watching Season Two of Game of Thrones. Enjoy this day since I can't.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
17 Things All Women Should Be Able To Do
I really like lists and have a lot of opinions, so here's my list of 17 things I think all women should be able to do. I can do 14 on the list. I'll let you guess which ones.
1.) Kill bugs. Ladies, if you can survive bikini waxes and childbirth, you can smush a spider with a Kleenex.
2.) Change a tire. Or at least call Triple AAA
3.) Fix a toilet. Seriously. It's amazing how you can fix a toilet with shampoo and hot water. Because sometimes apartment maintenance does not come when you need them and you need to take matters into your own hands. Google it.
4.) Fix at least five staple meals. Cooking is not that hard...you're just following directions. Think of it like you're trying out the latest eye makeup tutorial on pinterest. Just do what the lady/cookbook says and you'll be fine.
5.) Escape from a car trunk. You might read that and be like say wha? (the 't' was purposely left out). But I worked for a woman who was kidnapped and escaped and I know there are a lot of people who are crazy out there. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie? I mean, seriously.
6.) Have a reasonable understanding of sports. You don't have to know the names of the players or who won the game last night, but knowing that a free throw is worth one point would be a good skill to know.
7.) Correctly separate laundry. Now whether this actually gets done all of the time, that's another story. I will reference my formerly white, now pink-tinged, pillowcases that I stupidly threw in with my brand new red sheets I was washing for the first time.
8.) Balance a checkbook. It's sad that a lot of women, and men, don't know how to do this.
9.) Sew on a button. Being able to hem your own pants would be helpful, but super ambitious.
10.) Take a compliment. If someone tells you that you look nice, just say thank you. Don't argue with them. Because then they might say something like, "Never mind. You look awful." And then you'd be pissed.
11.) Flirt. I'll just go right ahead and say this is not one of the 14 things on this list I know how to do.
12.) Take criticism. Sometimes you hurt people's feelings. Sometimes you don't do a good job on a project. Sometimes, you're just a bitch. But you need to be able to be told when you fall short of people's expectations, accept what you're told, and change your behavior.
13.) Put together furniture. Let's be honest...in our 20's a lot of our furniture comes from IKEA. And that stuff has a lot of pieces. Just crack open a root beer and settle in for a long afternoon of putting together the Snarg version of a bookshelf.
14.) Know when clothes are too tight to be worn. Unless you look like Mila Kunis, then chances are there are just some clothes you cannot wear.
15.) Tell a good story. Know how to entertain people when you're talking to them. People do not want to hear about your cat or your bill at Target, but they definitely want to hear about the sex injury you suffered. (Shout out to one of my girlfriends...hope that heals up before your marathon this weekend!) Unless you're at a church function. Then, they probably don't want to hear about that.
16. Drive a stick shift. Because one day when you're super rich, you will have a tiny little sports car that is a stick shift and you need to learn how to drive it.
17.) Know who the leaders of your country are. Because no one wants to end up as a gif or a clip on The Soup telling the world that you think John Boehner is a villain in a Bond movie.
1.) Kill bugs. Ladies, if you can survive bikini waxes and childbirth, you can smush a spider with a Kleenex.
2.) Change a tire. Or at least call Triple AAA
3.) Fix a toilet. Seriously. It's amazing how you can fix a toilet with shampoo and hot water. Because sometimes apartment maintenance does not come when you need them and you need to take matters into your own hands. Google it.
4.) Fix at least five staple meals. Cooking is not that hard...you're just following directions. Think of it like you're trying out the latest eye makeup tutorial on pinterest. Just do what the lady/cookbook says and you'll be fine.
5.) Escape from a car trunk. You might read that and be like say wha? (the 't' was purposely left out). But I worked for a woman who was kidnapped and escaped and I know there are a lot of people who are crazy out there. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie? I mean, seriously.
6.) Have a reasonable understanding of sports. You don't have to know the names of the players or who won the game last night, but knowing that a free throw is worth one point would be a good skill to know.
7.) Correctly separate laundry. Now whether this actually gets done all of the time, that's another story. I will reference my formerly white, now pink-tinged, pillowcases that I stupidly threw in with my brand new red sheets I was washing for the first time.
8.) Balance a checkbook. It's sad that a lot of women, and men, don't know how to do this.
9.) Sew on a button. Being able to hem your own pants would be helpful, but super ambitious.
10.) Take a compliment. If someone tells you that you look nice, just say thank you. Don't argue with them. Because then they might say something like, "Never mind. You look awful." And then you'd be pissed.
11.) Flirt. I'll just go right ahead and say this is not one of the 14 things on this list I know how to do.
12.) Take criticism. Sometimes you hurt people's feelings. Sometimes you don't do a good job on a project. Sometimes, you're just a bitch. But you need to be able to be told when you fall short of people's expectations, accept what you're told, and change your behavior.
13.) Put together furniture. Let's be honest...in our 20's a lot of our furniture comes from IKEA. And that stuff has a lot of pieces. Just crack open a root beer and settle in for a long afternoon of putting together the Snarg version of a bookshelf.
14.) Know when clothes are too tight to be worn. Unless you look like Mila Kunis, then chances are there are just some clothes you cannot wear.
15.) Tell a good story. Know how to entertain people when you're talking to them. People do not want to hear about your cat or your bill at Target, but they definitely want to hear about the sex injury you suffered. (Shout out to one of my girlfriends...hope that heals up before your marathon this weekend!) Unless you're at a church function. Then, they probably don't want to hear about that.
16. Drive a stick shift. Because one day when you're super rich, you will have a tiny little sports car that is a stick shift and you need to learn how to drive it.
17.) Know who the leaders of your country are. Because no one wants to end up as a gif or a clip on The Soup telling the world that you think John Boehner is a villain in a Bond movie.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Blog Name Change
Seeing as that I am no longer a redhead, I figured it was time to rename the blog. I hope I'll always be M's Second Favorite Redhead, but I understand if this completely wipes me out of his favor. The Favorite Redhead is way prettier anyway.
So the new title of this blog is Confessions of a Former Goody-Two Shoes. That was going to be the title of one of my books, but let's be honest...my writing isn't good enough to actually be published. It's good for a chuckle here and there on a blog, but not a full length, actual paper book. Or e-book. Since those are the rage with all the kids these days.
Anyway, I used to be such a goody two-shoes. I was the girl who never did anything wrong, who always obeyed her parents, never stayed out past curfew (actually, never went out), and who constantly feared getting in trouble. Like I wouldn't even go sit in empty concert seats a few rows ahead of mine for fear of getting yelled at by the people in yellow jackets at Bridgestone Arena. Although I'm still hesitant to do that.
A lot has changed in the ten years since I moved away from home. I definitely don't think I'm a bad person and my parents are still pretty lucky I turned out as good as I did...I'm pretty great, actually, and I put up with a heck of a lot that most people would not. But that's a whole other chapter that maybe I'll write about someday. Probably not, but never say never.
I curse way more than any Southern lady ever should, make sexually inappropriate jokes on a daily basis, talk about things in public that should stay in private, figure out how to dirty dance to Sandstorm (oh, Blue Bar...), drink too much on occassion (oh, Key West), and probably twenty other things I was raised not to do.
But I also do a lot of good things. I'm good at my job and I enjoy it. In my opinion, I'm a really great friend...I'll do anything I can for you...as long as I like you. I make a mean lasagna and I'm super excellent at rhyming. It's a skill. So obviously, I'm not all bad.
So to all of the readers (all 7 of you) thank you for following my journey as the Second Favorite Redhead and I hope you'll continue to follow my journey into my late 20's. Hopefully I'll survive them in one piece.
So the new title of this blog is Confessions of a Former Goody-Two Shoes. That was going to be the title of one of my books, but let's be honest...my writing isn't good enough to actually be published. It's good for a chuckle here and there on a blog, but not a full length, actual paper book. Or e-book. Since those are the rage with all the kids these days.
Anyway, I used to be such a goody two-shoes. I was the girl who never did anything wrong, who always obeyed her parents, never stayed out past curfew (actually, never went out), and who constantly feared getting in trouble. Like I wouldn't even go sit in empty concert seats a few rows ahead of mine for fear of getting yelled at by the people in yellow jackets at Bridgestone Arena. Although I'm still hesitant to do that.
A lot has changed in the ten years since I moved away from home. I definitely don't think I'm a bad person and my parents are still pretty lucky I turned out as good as I did...I'm pretty great, actually, and I put up with a heck of a lot that most people would not. But that's a whole other chapter that maybe I'll write about someday. Probably not, but never say never.
I curse way more than any Southern lady ever should, make sexually inappropriate jokes on a daily basis, talk about things in public that should stay in private, figure out how to dirty dance to Sandstorm (oh, Blue Bar...), drink too much on occassion (oh, Key West), and probably twenty other things I was raised not to do.
But I also do a lot of good things. I'm good at my job and I enjoy it. In my opinion, I'm a really great friend...I'll do anything I can for you...as long as I like you. I make a mean lasagna and I'm super excellent at rhyming. It's a skill. So obviously, I'm not all bad.
So to all of the readers (all 7 of you) thank you for following my journey as the Second Favorite Redhead and I hope you'll continue to follow my journey into my late 20's. Hopefully I'll survive them in one piece.
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